Lamentations

So, day two of the mini-fast. I realized that I'm not exactly coherent or in the best of mood when I am suffering low blood-sugar and I really do want to be coherent and in a good mood when I have my interview tonight so I decided that my fast for today would be from last night's Wendy's dinner at 9:15 or so until about 5:30 today when I'll eat dinner and be set for my interview. So, this one is a fairly long one but I slept most of it so it doesn't count I suppose :)

Read: Lamentations

I was directed here, not quite sure why the thought popped into my head, but here it is. Truth is, I don't think I've ever read this one before despite an unusual attraction to the rather gloomy subject matter I think I would find therein. And it's everything I would have hoped. It's like the best of the blues-Psalms, the, "God has abandoned me, I've killed my children, woe, gnashing of teeth, woe, rending of garments, wail, wail!" type stuff that I sort of dig. Not because I'm glad it happened but I think suffering produces amazing things. You don't really know a man until he's being held over the volcano type thing (10 points if you nab that reference).

But there, right in the middle of the book, in the middle of chapter 3, gleams a brightness, an unwavering hope and faith that sees this terribly beset author through the gloom and doom he's living in (well, I'm assuming the writer is a he, not really sure at all who the writer is).

But there's one thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope.

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left. (3:21-24)

Man, that's good stuff. And as much as I like the blues of the Psalms, I like the stuff like this too. The glimmers of hope in the midst of the storm.

Here's what I really, really like though: "God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks" (3:25).

"Passionately waits." I think it's a common mistake for us to believe that waiting is a passive action (paradox much?). Waiting, for me lately, has practically been a pass-time. Waiting to get to NC, getting to NC and waiting for a job, etc. The important thing that this verse points out is that, although waiting is the hardest part (as Tom Petty says), it's not a part that's meant to be endured or just simply waded through. It's a time of action, of going out and doing.

I think that's important. And I guess that's what I'm trying to prove with the fasting thing: I don't want this time of waiting for work to be passive. I don't want it to be even just filled with job searching. I want to do something more, take the time to try and prove to God why I'm worthy to be in youth ministry because that's honestly where I believe I belong. I want this so bad that I feel blessed to be able to sacrifice for it. It's hardly even a sacrifice. Perhaps this is just my arrogance thinking that skipping two meals a day will catch the attention of God and make him reconsider. But I want to do something that will prove to him how passionately I want to pursue kids for him.

Let's just hope this church isn't lame :)