A Calling

by Ben

I'm not writing about Scripture today (sorry). Instead, I will attempt to try to give words to a feeling that I am experiencing. Some have called it a "calling" - I want to distinguish between what I am feeling and the sense of my own desire. My wants have little to do with this experience.

I feel that I should be going to seminary. That is my next step. I was talking about this feeling in a conversation today and I realized that the whole thing is backwards from the way that I've run my life. Traditionally, I would discern a goal and then figure out how to get there.

For example, in 8th grade, I knew that I wanted to be an English teacher and drama director, so I focused my attention on how to do that, and sought a degree at college that would allow me to teach.

However, along the way, I was offered the job at the church. Uncharacteristically, I took the job, having never intended to work in a church setting (and really only being a marginal Christian at the time). I can only say that God wanted my attention. It was because of being involved in Christian education that I have grown in my faith.

I must say here that the decision to work at a church, when I was assured my dream job at a school district in Cleveland was a difficult one. I still can't fully explain the feeling I had at the time. (I have since felt great joy due to this choice, but that is not the point of this story).

I again am having that same feeling. I feel that I should go to seminary. I don't yet know what that means. I don't really have the desire right now to become a senior pastor, but who knows. Again, my wants aren't really leading this adventure. So, for now, I must follow this feeling, wherever it leads. I pray that I am following God's will.