Getting down to work

by Ben

I read Proverbs 4.

I'm continuing to read in the Message. I'm finding it powerfully appropriate to where I am right now (and it has cool words like "festoon").

I'd like to say that when I got to work today, I made some tea, sat down, had some quiet time and then read some Scripture. I'd like to say that my first thought as I turned on my computer was that I would be able to write on the dLog. I'd like to say that within the first two hours of my being in the church today, all I did was meditate on God.

I wish I could say those things, but I can't. In fact, here it is just about noon and I am just now beginning to think about my spiritual connection to my Creator. It hit me when I took a break from my work, after I'd checked my e-mail, handled phone messages and sifted through some pressing clutter. Today, I can say that I put God after looking at some facebook messages.

What's worse is that as I typed the paragraph of what I would like to say about my day, I felt that if I had spent my morning completely focused on God, that I would have been wasting "work" time. I thought about what people might say about my lack of efficiency and slothly tendencies.

I felt guilty for thinking about spending time with God.

When I did sit down to read today, the heading for the chapter that I read was "Your Life Is at Stake." It smacked me right in the face. Everything in my life has been pointing at this title. I need to get my spiritual life going before I focus on anything else. Now, comparing my current spiritual connection to that of four years ago, make me look like a modern day Moses, but commitment number five of a good ministry is to "avoid the comparison trap" (even comparisons to myself).

I may be doing some things right. Kate and I have been doing devotions, I have been pretty good about the dLog, I have even sent up an occasional prayer. But this does not mean that my spiritual connection to God has been awesome. I have much further to go. I imagine that some would be shocked to hear that a strong devotional life is not a great indicator of a strong spiritual life. I know that I've taught that line of thinking.

I think that my moderately strong devotional life has helped me to realize my spiritual inadequacies. I have been sinning. I should be clear here: I'm not talking about sin, as in actively going against God in the ways we normally think (i.e. getting drunk, adultery, murder, etc.). I'm focusing more on not being in genuine relationship to God. My prayer could be more authentic and, frankly, could happen more often. I can't remember the last time that I fasted.

And the real center of it all is that I am trying to be a strong teacher of disciples before I try to be a strong disciple myself. So, my prayer is that I learn to become a better disciple, to follow so close to Christ that I get dusty.