The Moses Connection
(Warning: this entry is more tense than most of mine and may make little sense)
Polishing off Numbers today, I read Numbers 28-36.
Today's reading contained much of the same old what animals were sacrificed for what sins and what families received what inheritance. However, there was a glimmer of lesson in it that came across in chapter 32.
After taking some new land, some of the Israelites notice that the countryside is ripe for livestock (and let's just say that they have a few). These folks talk to Moses about setting up some communities and using what is there.
Moses gets a little heated saying, "Do you mean that you are going to leave the fighting that's ahead to your brothers while you settle down here?" He compares it to the demoralization of the Israelites that happened at Kadesh Barnea and that God would get angry and force them into the wilderness for more time. Bummer.
So, the petitioners backpedal. They try to strike a deal saying that they'll set up communities for the women and children, and that when the time comes, they'll fight right alongside their bretheren.
This satifies Moses and he allows them to do it.
Everybody follows God's will and is happy. Yet, I can't seem to get past that Moses' blood pressure sky-rocketed for a full 9 verses. What snapped? Why now? Compared to some of the other grumblings of the Israelites, this was a minor request (and maybe even a noble one).
I guess I'm trying to get into his head right now, trying to understand what it was like to be Moses. In one ear, he's got God telling him what he (and the Israelites) need to do; in the other, he's got a whole bunch of tired, angry followers who want nothing more than to stop traveling. At this point, God has told him that he's not getting into the promised land and yet, he has still followed God's commands.
I think I had a Moses day yesterday. (Out of context, that might sound like a good thing)
At work, I was told that I needed to be more accountable for my hours (apparently, the office wants to make sure that I'm doing my job), which angered me at first. "It's youth ministry. Most of the work I do doesn't happen at the office." "Results can only be seen by the kids."
Well, these responses only helped to fuel my anger. They did little to solve the issue. They merely got me into a thinking pattern of justifications for what I do. Talking about the situation with my mother and my girlfriend (pity those who have to hear me complain) didn’t help; I grew in resentment of the accusation that I wasn’t doing my job – partially, because I felt that I was doing more than I should be (laundry list of reasons), without proper payment.
In fact, the anger even continued this morning as I woke and prepared to come to work. (For those who don’t know me, I rarely hold onto anger.)
I’m not really sure where to take this entry from here. I guess the issue is being resolved. I have modified my schedule, which will help benefit the office (to know where/when I’m in) and me (to prevent me from working just when there is work to be done [i.e. always]). However, there is a lingering tension. I am bitter, possibly because it is still fresh in my mind.
Like Moses, my temper flared. I guess part of me wonders if he just went back to “normal” after the dispute was settled. Another part of me thinks that my situation isn’t settled, that there is still more left to say.
posted by Ben George @ 9:09 AM
7 Comments:
It's a disconcerting thing when you can usually sleep off something that angers you and you wake up still angry. So, I know what that's like and it sucks.
As far as hours, you're absolutely right, work in the office does not necessarily equal the work you are supposed to be doing in your role. Instead of keeping more office hours, you might be better served (I'm only assuming you don't do this because you didn't mention it) by keeping a log of your hours. Time spent at the church is easy to keep track of, but start keeping track of the hours at kids' games, on the phone with kids, etc.
Keeping a log is a chore, but it's a good way to answer those who want quantitative results that you're doing your job.
Or just point out that in the 24 hour a day weeks at camp you're probably fulfilling your work requirement right there :)
Hope that helps, Ben!
Thanks, Matt. I have my schedule sent directly to the office, so they know (literally) everywhere I go and often everything that I do. I didn't mention it in the post as I was afraid it might get me on a tangent of the many sub-reasons that this frustrated me and ultimately, detract from the point of the log (which, in looking back, I'm not sure what it was). But you are right, that, coupled with the hours at camp (on call even more than youth work) should more than fill my "quota" of hours. I'd rather think that my product displays best the results of my work (i.e. the kids' spiritual lives), but because that can't be measured or clocked, I guess I'll have to log more office hours.
Sorry, I guess I'm still a little bitter.
Ah, so you omitted from the dLog that you log. HA! So it soundsl ike it's just the office folks who are giving you a hard time and they're the ones seeing your hours? If on paper you have 40 or more hours than I can't see how they have any reason to complain, especially if you're turning that in frequently. Or are you under 40 hours regularly and they're not seeing the whole picture? And are you documenting that "whole picture"?
Is DeVries playiing the part of the Israelites or God on this issue?
Dave was merely the messenger. I think the reality of it is that they just want me to log more "in house" hours. The thing is that it didn't come to me direct source...so I really don't know what they want. I'm just going to send every member of the office staff a copy of my general in office schedule.
Have you talked to Dave about his thoughts on this? Sr. Pastor is always a good advocate to have. Ben, there really is no point in doing more work in the office if you're just doing it to maintain a presence there. Do the work that's going to mean something.
I think I am going to be doing office hours, but when I go home, I will not be working. (Something kinda new for me) So, in reality, work will still be getting done, just not in the same fashion as before. However, there are some other lingering issues. I intend to talk to Dave about these in the next few days.
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