Guilt

I haven't been in Numbers since Thursday and I don't think that getting in it at 1:26am on Monday is going to result in anything worthwhile, let alone coherant. So, I'll begin by telling you about my weekend.

Friday: Kate was leading a ski trip out of town, so I spent the evening with my mother and my aunt, which was good. I haven't been taking much time for family (or friends) recently, for which I am sorry. The evening consisted of a trip to IHOP and Walmart, where I purchased a video game (even though I really don't have much time for playing). After watching television for a while, I played my new game: Medal of Honor - European Assault. What fun! I've missed that. However, as a result, I didn't get into the Word, nor did I take time for meditation.

Saturday consisted of more video gaming (it's like a drug), then going to visit my friend Josh (one of those friendships that I've neglected). I literally spent the rest of the day with him. Albeit, talking about some very important religious aspects of our lives, yet again not getting into the word.

Sunday always feels like work due to youth events.

So here I sit in the early hours of Monday morning, trying to come up with something worthwhile to put on here. I feel a strong commitment to this blog, yet I haven't worked as hard on it as I'd like.

(No transition whatsoever) The other day, on my Sabbath (Thursday), I was praying about sin and trying to confess, yet I had a hard time seeing my sin. My prayer changed. It became more about asking for God to help me know my failings. To help me recognize the things that I should be doing more of or shouldn't be doing at all. To see where both my actions and my thoughts betrayed my faith. I guess this blog reflects some of that and how I've attempted to modify my behavior to meet the needs that I have been neglecting. I know that this will be an ongoing process because of missing my prayer and devotional time. Some have said that the devil's greatest achievement was convincing man that he didn't exist. Well, his second greatest is finding ways for man to waste his time. (think of all of the vices of the world - they provide no valuable return; they only eat at your soul and take up your time; literally stealing time away from you and God).

Tonight, I sit here open and in full humility of my failures. Lord, give me the strength to be your servant. Help me to know more completely how to live the Christian life. Give me the ability to apply your teachings to all aspects of my life. I want to be able to represent you. Help me to continue to see where I fall short. And Lord, help me to bring myself closer to you every day.