he's baaaaaaaack

so the prodigal has returned.

sorry guys. no excuses. just an apology.

but i'm diving right back in...this evening i read philippians. and it rocked my face off.

(pauses for a moment to reattach facial features, feeling a bit like mr. potato head)

where's my angry eyes?!

anyway....it seriously was very good.

keying in on two parts:

1:21 For me, to live is Christ, to die is gain.

Paul makes this absolutely amazing, thrilling claim. he's saying everything i am is about Christ. how i live, breathe, sleep, talk, act...it's all him. somehow the message he wrote to the church in Colossi was really alive in him...that is "Christ in (Paul!), the hope of glory!" Christ in Paul, spilling out, pouring out, flooding out and overwhelming his everything. what is Christ? think about your own answers for a moment. then realize that that's what Paul was saying his life was. Bam! this verse, no matter how many times i read it, bowls me over every stinkin' time.

but it also hurts because it feels so different. it somehow in my mind pedastalizes Paul. the thought process being, "i'm nowhere near that. i wish my living was Christ, but instead it's unbearably self-centered and absorbed. it's sinful, menial, and undeservedly prideful."

but (BUT) (BUT!!!), Paul does present some hope later on. which is why it's always important to remember these epistles were letters. that they're meant for total consumption. the whole gives insight to the part. in 3:10 Paul says "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings..." and in 12 "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

NOT THAT I HAVE ALREADY OBTAINED ALL THIS...phew...Paul was human. he was still growing and learning and pressing on. and so must i. a lot of times when i run, this verse is in my head. and i push myself HARD. coming down that home stretch i chant it harder than the baddest Gregorian monk you've ever seen. and it gives me vigor to plow tough through the finish. but in life, it can be harder to keep that perseverance strong. but, slowly i'm realizing, and this verse is reminding me, that in the middle of my doubts and struggles, my hurts and the overwhelmed feeling i am sometimes consumed with, i can press on. and in all of that pressing on, somehow my life will be Christ's. my life will be Christ's.