dLog

Going to the Desert

2009-03-11T01:48:00.002-04:00

by Ben

Ah...Lent. You can smell it in the air. Although, that could be the Fillet of Fish sandwich from the nearby fast food joint. But truly, there is something different about this time of year. Some people are giving up things (chocolate, television, etc.), while others are taking on things (random acts of kindness, devotionals, etc.). What is the purpose of this "Holy Season?"

Some have suggested it is to remember the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert being tempted by the devil. Others say it is to be penitent to reflect on our excesses over the past year. Still others merely say it is a time to draw closer to God.

Instead, I find that we as a culture need a reminder of what the Christian life should be like. Too often, we view the Christian life by its birthdays: Christmas and Easter. We live in days of plenty. We reside in Canaan without ever having to walk through the wilderness. Our Jesus is risen, such to the point that we neglect the pain and suffering of the cross.

This time of year is certainly about giving things up, taking things on, facing temptation, actively being penitent, and drawing closer to God, but it is also about striving to understand who we are in relation to Christ's saving work. That work is not just about atonement. We must review the whole of Jesus' life, death, resurrection, and ascension. The earthly ministry of the Christ contains countless lessons that could serve for an infinite amount of Lenten Bible studies.

Our first step in journeying through Lent is the realization that this season is different. Our second step, which I believe to be the most important, is to take action. What are we doing that makes this season different from the rest of our lives?

Paul's Calling

2008-10-23T08:01:00.004-04:00

by Ben (yes, that other guy)

I read Acts 13.

I'm reading in Acts right now, a book that I am less familiar with than pretty much the rest of the Bible. I have to admit a selfish reason for liking this book: it is pretty awesome to see the disciples finally getting things right. And even the self-proclaimed greatest sinner of all is proclaiming Jesus as the realization of the prophets. Not only does that mean that there is hope for us, it shows that God specifically uses the most bumbling. I'm a sure thing!

"I have set you to be a light for the Gentiles, so that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth."

In reflecting on 13:47, I tried to put myself in the role of Paul. How amazing to be the one to offer salvation to a group that has been traditionally left out (seemingly on purpose). How self-defining is Paul's call.

Yet, his very call forces him to be the antagonist to one of the deeply held beliefs of the Jews. Israel had long been God's chosen nation and in the minds of many, it could only ever be that way.

Paul's message changes that. And he gains an obvious following from those who would be left out of salvation otherwise.

Some of us are called to be like Paul, bringing a new message to those who need it. But the challenge comes in that our message might be completely going against the traditional beliefs. We must be like Paul in that we do not shrink from our calling.

Curse You, Fig Tree!

2008-10-07T10:49:00.003-04:00

By Matt

I read: Mark 11-13

Once again, we're reaching the beginning of the end in Mark; Jesus makes his triumphal entry into Jerusalem on the back of a colt and it's all downhill from there (in turn of phrase terms only!). Jesus turns out the markets in the temples with some strong words but no condemnation. However, at one point Jesus is pretty hungry and looks to a fig tree for a snack but it doesn't have any figs so he curses it and the next time he and his entourage pass it, it's a withered stick. Jesus' soundbite on the whole thing is rather cryptic: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you." He goes on to talk about the importance of praying about everything and to not just ask. Doesn't once mention the fig tree. Kinda weird.

I have to think it goes back to his message to all of the vine to bear fruit and, if not, to face pruning. I can't say that authoritatively but that's what makes sense to me. Not that what makes sense to me about God is anything resembling gospel :) But it's a definite possibility and a very powerful way to visualize how God holds us responsible for the knowledge and power we have gained.

Chalk up another for Stan Lee :)

Come Thou Fount

2008-10-06T11:20:00.003-04:00

By Matt

I don't have any scripture reading today but I do have some thoughts so I figured that was better than nothing. To put it frankly, my prayer time and my Bible reading have sucked completely. But just by chance we sang "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" in worship today and I had the song stuck in my head all day. So much so that I went on iTunes last night looking for versions of it and some other songs that I wanted to find. I downloaded it right before bed and moved my iPod dock to the nightstand so I could listen to it that night. And then this morning I woke up and it was right there. I listened through "Fount" again and "Blessed Be Your Name" and "Welcome Home" and Psalm 116 from The Bible Experience (thank you again for that, JDH!). And that was my prayer time and I enjoyed it. Strange how that works.

But this song, is just so good and it's such a great reflection of my life right now: contrast piled upon contrast. I am in such awe of what God is capable of doing, and more so, capable of doing in spite of me yet through me. But this is all contrary to my inconstancy and inconsistency. My desire to do better in keeping up my half of this relationship but just not coming through. So, my prayer today are these borrowed words:

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
 tune my heart to sing thy grace;
 streams of mercy, never ceasing,
 call for songs of loudest praise.
 Teach me some melodious sonnet,
 sung by flaming tongues above.
 Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
 mount of thy redeeming love.

 Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
 hither by thy help I'm come;
 and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
 safely to arrive at home.
 Jesus sought me when a stranger,
 wandering from the fold of God;
 he, to rescue me from danger,
 interposed his precious blood.

 O to grace how great a debtor
 daily I'm constrained to be!
 Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
 bind my wandering heart to thee.
 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
 prone to leave the God I love;
 here's my heart, O take and seal it,
 seal it for thy courts above.

live it.

2008-09-05T13:22:00.002-04:00

Colossians 2:6-23
"My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving."

After a few temper tantrums & a bit of false starts, I really loved college. At first, in my youthful zeal, I wanted to have no part of it. "Why sit in a classroom and process when you can be out in the world practicing" was my early mantra. Several of my professors (wisely) sought to re-channel my impatience into a more vigorous embracing of my school work as something to be done "for the glory of God." And they were right. They also pushed me into internships so that I could immediately put into practice what I was learning.

I came to love the college experience. I loved learning & theorizing & philosophizing. I loved coffee shops & late nights & questions without answers. And so when graduation came around, while I was ready to go "live it," I was actually starting to think about grad school, something I'd mostly only swore I'd never do early on in college.

I haven't made it to grad school yet, though I hope to some day. But as I read Colossians 2 over the past couple days (I read it once a couple days ago & again today so I could blog about it) I was struck by, even without formalized "schooling," how easy it is to settle into talking about practices rather than actually practicing them.

Churches are one of the most guilty parties in this. Bring people into our doors where we can teach and instruct and equip and grow them and...and...and when do they actually live it out? Well, hopefully in their lives somewhere...in their vocation, in their neighborhoods, in their families. But is the church meant to be a place only of instruction or also a place of practice? Do we keep people at spiritual infancy by continually spoon feeding but rarely letting people handle the spoon themselves while still in the "safe" community of the church?

As I wade through re-designing the youth ministry at First Friends, these thought are ringing in the back of my head...

Finally, Some Hellfire

2008-09-04T08:24:00.002-04:00

By Matt

I Listened to: Mark 9-10

I thought today would be another day of writing about something else but today we get to the famous cutting off hands/feet and gouging out eyes section where Jesus declares it is better to go maimed to heaven than whole to hell. He also says that if you give someone a believer a hard time, it's better for you to be dropped in a lake with a millstone around your neck.

I think there is a distinction here between the condemnation we see in Matthew and what we see here. In Matthew Jesus is solely concerned with condemning those who know what they should do and don't do it, mainly along the lines of helping out those who can't help themselves (the credit for that thought goes to Michael who summarized the parable of the sheep and goats that way during his meditation at Youth Sunday last week).

Here in Mark, we see Jesus condemning those who sin on purpose, not by omission. They take advantage of the weak or use their hands or eyes or feet to sin. Kinda lays it out right there for you and definitely a different tact than Matthew used. Interesting. I'm going to reserve comment a bit to see if this shows up in Mark again. It is consistent with Mark's theme of power, using your power to do wrong type thing where Matthew is aimed at the Jews who should know to do those things but don't. Hmmm.

A Story

2008-09-02T09:31:00.003-04:00

By Matt

I read: Mark 6:30 - 9:3

Again, none of the stuff I was looking for showed up in today's reading but I did find this little nugget: "None of this had yet penetrated their hearts." This is Mark/Eugene's commentary on what happens when the disciples are quick to be afraid after seeing what they imagine is a ghost on the water. So true.

But what I want to talk about is a bizarre little story that I read in The Day of Battle by Rick Atkinson. It's a rather large book all about the American Army in WWII. Big surprise there. Anyways, Atkinson tells the story of how the Allies were beginning to suspect that the Germans were going to start using poisonous gas in the runup to the Allied advance on Rome. This never happened, of course, but the Allies decided they should probably prepare for it. So, they loaded up a ship with mustard gas and sent it out to the port city of Bari in Italy. It sat in the ship's hold in the harbor with only a few people knowing the contents of the cargo while other priority ships were unloaded first.

Anyways, no one really thought much about the mustard gas until the night that the Germans launched a devastating air raid on Bari and decimated the docks. Many of the boats still waiting to be unloaded took direct hits, including boats with ammunition and gas. Hundreds of sailors were knocked overboard and into the burning sea and thankfully a good number of them were able to swim ashore or were rescued by other boats. Unfortunately the boat carrying the mustard gas was also hit and the mustard was leaking into the water and contaminating it. And that's in addition to the gas that hit atmo and drifted into the town of Bari.

So, all of these sailors and dock workers are piling into the overcrowded hospitals and are starting to have their eyes seize shut and are complaining of burning on their skin that isn't consistent with being in oily water. But the doctors don't know about the mustard gas so they can't treat the men properly by removing the contaminated clothing so they aren't breathing it in for hours. Some of the doctors had their suspicions but nothing to base it on other than similar symptoms. In the end hundreds of American servicemen and Italian civilans died of mustard gas poisoning and didn't even know it.

However, there's a postscript. In the confusion and speculation, many of the bodies were autopsied. Doctors performing the autopsies noticed the damage to white blood cells and lymph tissue. After the war some of those doctors found out that it was mustard gas but were intrigued by the destruction of the white cells and lymph. That discovery was the opening of a new field of medicine: oncology. And the mustard gas was the ancestor of the oncologist's first weapon: chemotherapy.

It's kind of a strange time for me to hear this story as exactly 8 years ago I would be in my last week of my life before chemotherapy started. In some, strange connected way, my life is the legacy of the Luftwaffe's raid on Bari, and by extension the introduction of chemical warfare to the European battlefields of WWI. It's a strange and disgusting thought to think that my existence is balanced on the horrible toll in lives that preceeded it. I suppose that's true for all of us somehow or another, but it's not a thought that surfaces very often. I don't know what to make of it, really. Is all this serendipity? Is it God's "plan"? I guess if there's anyone who can redeem the horrors of mustard gas, it's God, but are his fingerprints on this mess?

I guess the best thing to say for today's ramble is that I will come away with no answers. So often my reading and journaling is directed at discovery of a truth or principle that will help me understand God, faith, life, etc. in some new light. Today there is no new light, just more questions. And, strangely, I'm at peace with that.

purpose

2008-08-29T12:01:00.002-04:00

Read: Colossians 1:1-2:5

the word "purpose" only appears a total of 34 times in the entire translation of the Message. interestingly enough, though, it shows up 3 times just in the first chapter of Colossians and that's what caught my eye this morning. i really enjoy the little intro's that Peterson did to each book when he put together the Message and the one prior to Colossians explains how people often times acknowledge Christ as one of many important people, instead of grasping the preeminent importance he holds. and so Colossians immediately launches itself into establishing just how important Christ is by defining him and his ways as our purpose for existence. the living of his commands, the hope of heaven with him (v. 5), the presence of him in our lives (v. 27), and that everything begins and ends in him (v. 16-17).

and the unusual part of this purpose/life he's calling us to is that it's not some theoretical idea. it's not like he orders us about with no knowledge of the cost of what he's calling us to do. that it will require sacrifice. that at times it will be painful and seem hopeless. that it will estrange us from those we love. instead, he fully grasps this, having experienced it and lived it to an even fuller portion than we will ever experience ourselves.

The First Commissioned Evangelist

2008-08-29T09:07:00.002-04:00

By Matt

Today I went back to Joel's wonderful gift, The Bible Experience, and listened to chapters 4, 5, and half of 6 while in the shower. Ha! I could make some rationalization for this bizarre behavior using "living waters" but I won't :) Actually, I usually listen to something while in the shower: podcasts, music, audio books, etc. So, I figured, why not the Bible?

Anyways, one of the great parts of TBE is the representation of demons. It's creepy. It's like stop cleaning yourself and just listen creepy. But anyways, in Mark 5 Jesus and the gang run into a posessed man with multiple demons in him. Curiously, the demons beg not to be sent out of the country and Jesus complies with his wishes by letting them take over the bodies of 2,000 pigs who run out into the water. Okay, couple of questions, why are there so many pigs around Jews and who is raising them? Second, why is Jesus letting the demons get their wish? Maybe Jesus tricked them by letting all the pigs die a minute later or something. I don't get it.

However, the part of this story that captured my attention today is in the last paragraph. The formerly posessed man puts on some nice clothes, pulls a comb through his hair, and then sits around being pretty normal. He begs Jesus to let him become a disciple but Jesus denies him. Instaed he says, "Go home to your own people. Tell them your story--what the Master did, how he had mercy on you." And the guy does it and is the "talk of the town."

I'm gonna call this guy the first commissioned evangelist. Jesus heals a lepor back in chapter 2 but tells that guy to not make a big deal about it: show himself to the priest, make the proper offerings, and then go about his business. This guy doesn't listen and tells everyone about Jesus anyways. I never get why sometimes Jesus tells some people to tell the story and others to keep quiet. Actually, just a little bit past the demon story Jesus tells someone else to keep quiet about him raising a girl from the dead! These are big things, why keep them quiet?! And then, if you are trying to keep this stuff quiet, why tell it to the un-posessed loudmouth who then tells everyone? Don't get that either.

But again, more sidetracks from what I'm simply trying to say. Jesus commissions this guy as the first evangelist. I think, ideally, that's what evangelism is about; not trying to argue your way into someone's salvation, not scaring them out of hell, not playing on emotions and mob hysteria to get decisions. It's about coming along side someone, the folks you already know, and telling them your story. Tell them how God has had mercy on you: how your foot was saved from stumbling, your eye saved from tears, and your soul was rescued from death (to paraphrase Psalm 116). When we tell of the indescribable love we have experienced and show that love to others, it's only a matter of time before that love wins out over anything else. To paraphrase TobyMac, we're made to love God and anything we do or say to convince ourselves otherwise is going to come up short when we get a glimpse of what we've been missing. And that's all evangelism needs to be when you get down to it.

Harmony of the Gospels

2008-08-28T09:23:00.003-04:00

By Matt

Well, today I started into Mark and read the first 3 chapters. I think that if the gospels were made into movies we'd find that Matthew would be a talky drama and Mark would be all action. More than a few times Mark records that Jesus was teaching the crowds but never says a word of what Jesus was saying. But then a leper or blind man or someone comes up and Jesus heals. Action, it's all about the action. So, with little words there's little condemnation or glorification.

I don't know if I've ever really noticed this kind of difference between the gospels. But it makes sense. Matthew was writing to Jews who would be very interested in hearing what Jesus said and did and matching it up to the Torah and the predictions of the prophets. Mark, on the other hand, was writing to Romans who are impressed by power. The Jesus of Mark definitely comes across as powerful and in control and as having some sort of a master plan. I mean, Jesus is shutting up the demons so they won't tell everyone who he is! It's all pointing to a greater plot of revelation.

So yeah, a little diversion from my focus but there wasn't much to focus on. I have a feeling Mark will go quickly!

Few More Parables

2008-08-27T10:25:00.002-04:00

By Matt

Chapter 25 is rounded out by two more parables and then basically you enter Christ's Passion. What's remarkable is how much Christ says in the first 25 chapters of Matthew and then how little he says in the next 3. Anyways, the other two parables we have in 25 both deal with condemnation again and, yep, the pattern holds true.

The first one is that one about the rich man who gives his money to his servants to hang on to while he's away for a while. The first two double the investment while the third servant buries it in the ground and the money does nothing. Again, I have to think that Jesus is aiming the hating at folks who should know better but then don't do anything about it: the religious leaders pretty much.

The second one gets interesting. It's the parable of the sheep and goats and the sheep are the ones who feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, give a home to the homeless, clothe the naked, and visit the sick and the imprisoned. The goats do the opposite. The sheep get praised and are brought into Christ's kingdom while the goats are cast down to hell. This is one of the more explicit passages about elevation and condemnation and, according to this passage, it comes down to doing good works which is interesting (don't tell the Lutherans).

Well, three more Gospels to go but Matthew was pretty clear about who the quick and the dead are.

Keep a Weather Eye

2008-08-27T07:36:00.003-04:00

by Ben

I read Luke 11-12.

"Blessed ...are those who hear the word of God and obey it."

It sounds simple enough. Yet it seems that everyday we lose our track. Sometimes many times in one day. Too often, it is because we aren't paying attention.

In Chapter 12, Jesus speaks of watchfulness and the need to be ready at all times. But ready for what?

His talk of watchfulness comes right after the Parable of the Rich Fool: essentially a rich farmer raised a good-sized crop and decided to build bigger barns so that he could house all of it, intending to take it easy for a while (since he'd done some hard work).

Who hasn't felt that way? "Oh, I deserve some R&R because I've been working my butt off."

Unfortunately, we often feel as though we deserve quite a bit.

God calls us to more. God calls us to always be ready to serve. In the case of the rich fool, there is no thought or mention of the hungry or other needy peoples. Instead of planning a vacation for himself, the man could have saved lives by his good fortune.

We need to watch for opportunities like this in our own lives. Be it spending some free time we have at a soup kitchen or giving some extra money to a worthy cause, we need to remember that nothing we possess truly belongs to us.

As a note:
It is good to practice the Sabbath, but giving back to God's people when we have a surplus is not merely something good to do. It is what the bridegroom expects.

Do I Know You?

2008-08-26T12:18:00.002-04:00

By Matt

The really embarrassing part of this whole thing is that I could only remember that I was reading through Matthew. No idea why. So I had to go back and re-read and figure out what it is I'm reading for. Apparently I'm looking for when Christ condemns and when he talks about who makes it to Heaven. I think, I might need to reread it a bit more.

Anyways, it's not much further into the Bible when you get to the parable of the virgins and the bridegroom in Matthew 25. The Boy Scout virgins decide to be prepared with extra lamp oil while the dumb ones don't have any. They burn through their oil and when he shows up, they don't have any oil so they're out buying it when the wedding feast starts and they're left outside. They knock and the voice tells them, "Do I know you? I don't think I know you."

I have to think that this is meant to hearken back to Christ's sermon on the mount in Matthew 7. He spells it out much more directly there: "I can see it now--at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, 'Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know what I am going to say? 'You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'"

Well, in non-Message versions Christ says something about not knowing these people. But that's the point. Knowing God may not be as sure of a thing as we like to think it is. It's scary, especially for people who think they have a good handle on God because they work in his Church. It's only through constant vigilance (ahem, Mad Eye) over ourselves that we can be sure we'll be recognized when we meet up with Christ. Checking our hearts and being sure our service to him is placed way higher than our designs on status and recognition. When we are careful with what we fill our lamps, we don't have to worry about running out.

Into the Fiery Furnace

2008-04-27T22:05:00.003-04:00

by Ben

I'm getting back on the dLog horse and reading Isaiah 62-66 and Daniel 1-11.

I don't know how much I will be writing in the next few posts. I need to just get back into the habit of reading Scripture daily.

Tonight, in my reading, there was a lot of prophesy. Isaiah's odd prophetic writings and Daniel's interpretation of dreams and visions lead me to wonder if we just don't trust the power of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. I know that I have had feelings or nudges about decisions that I just cannot explain. Do I always follow them? No. Do I sometimes? Yes.

Often times, they are very simple things. For example, I might feel the need to talk to a friend about a particular topic that I sense could be important to something they are going through. The decision to actually take this course of action is mine. God provides the opportunities, and if we are listening, He'll give us direction.

Does that mean that every time we sense a voice in our head that it is the Holy Spirit guiding us? No. Sin can creep in even easier than God's direction. We must learn to discern to what God is actually calling us.

I am sensing a still, small voice calling me to seminary. Fear could easily prevent me from following this voice. "What will my friends and family think?" "But I just bought a house." "The school is so far away from what I've always known as home."

I was reading tonight from "Confessions of a Pastor" by Craig Groeschel. In the second to last chapter, he wrote about fear and how it can prevent us from succeeding at all. Fear of failure has prevented most of us (at some point) from being our best selves. We must learn to push past these fears.

It all sounds so crazy. Five years ago, I would have considered the above ideas to be a little strange and possibly coming from a crazy person. I can't imagine what the youth of CPC thought when I told them that I felt that God was calling me to seminary (and away from my current position).

But I am reassured as I read Daniel. Daniel was willing to step out and say what God was moving him to say. He didn't fear death or pursecution. He, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego all faced the possibility of pain and death because of what God was doing in their hearts.

I pray for that kind of faith. A faith that takes action and works for the glory of God's kingdom.

Romans 2

2008-03-10T11:17:00.003-04:00

one of the things that stuck out to me today:

in relation to Matt's condemning series:
"But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God "will give to each person according to what he has done." To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger."

-a few things about this. first off, I'd never noticed the quotes in verse 6 before, which apparently are quoting other Scripture. The reference here is to Psalm 62:12. Which, along with the Sheep & the Goats passage the Matt blogged about awhile ago, would seem to indicate that our final resting place is more about works than faith. Which is exactly the reason why it's so important to read Scripture in its totality, in light of other Scripture. I heard it put well recently that while salvation comes by grace & faith, sanctification, the growing and maturing of a Christian, comes by doing. You don't accidentally or automatically grow in your faith.

another thing I noticed was the word "persistence." He doesn't just say "those who by doing good seek glory, honor and immortality." It takes persistence. I find this to be encouraging because I think I still expect to some day reach some sort of plateau where I can just coast on in my growth. I think that if I make all the effort to go the "amusement park of God" that I can just sit on the roller coaster and God will drag me, screaming or not, to the top of the hill. I just have to do enough first to get to that point. And so I get frustrated with myself when I feel like I'm stepping backward, like I'm failing, like I don't have the passion or energy to continue. But it's exactly in these times that we should continue to push. Because our faith takes persistence. Because God's not going to drag us kicking & screaming to the top. And because I don't really want a roller coaster Christianity anyway.

The next chapter after Psalm 62 begins "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

Of course it's not always going to be easy. But persistence and earnest seeking will win the day. I need to tattoo my forehead "Never Give Up!"

Romans 1

2008-03-09T11:10:00.002-04:00

yup...it's been awhile since I've been around this neck of the woods. But I got a thank you card from Matt the other day for The Bible Experience & he mentioned the dlog and then an email a couple days after that from Matt that also mentioned the dlog. For awhile now, I've been feeling some need for some change. Some of it a desire for big change, some little, some in between. But I definitely feel that if I'm going to continue to pursue God well, some changes needed to be made. So this morning I got up and, since church had been cancelled due to the crazy March blizzard of '08, decided today was as good as any to enact some of those changes.

Starting in Romans 1:

"For since the creation of the world, God's invisible qualities, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen being understood from what has been made..."

This past Tuesday it rained all day long. Freezing rain, coating everything in layers of ice. Wednesday I had to work, but Thursday I got up first thing in the morning and grabbed my friend Derke and we went hiking out at Quail Hollow. It was breathtaking. Every tree and twig encapsulated in ice. Fresh animal tracks scattered about in the snow. We saw small groups of deer twice, once no more than 20-30 feet away. I put pictures on my Facebook profile (though I think that Derke has them privatized, so if he makes them public I'll post the link here)

Many times I've been in creation and been unable to deny the existence of God. In the 100 Mile Wilderness. The sunset and stars on Isle del Sul in Bolivia. The night sky in Mozambique. The southern coast of England. No matter where you go in the world, you come face to face with the beauty of an intricately designed creation, reflective of the awesome nature of the Creator.

Friday, as I was driving around in crazy blizzard, I happened to be tuned into NPR. I pretty much only listen to sports radio & NPR...what a weird combination. Anyway, on Fresh Air, they had a two piece segment on the existence of God with probably the two foremost names for either side. Richard Dawkins is an Oxford Professor and evolutionist who wrote the top selling book "The God Delusion." Francis Collins is an evangelical Christian and headed up the National Human Genome Research Project. He's also authored a book, "The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief." Both argue that DNA proves their point of view. A fascinating story upon Romans 1, really. One, having observing God's invisible qualities. One denying them. The links to the two interviews are below. If you're able to listen to them, I highly recommend it.

Francis Collins
Richard Dawkins

The Old Testament talks about the rocks crying out, the trees clapping their hands, creation shouting praise to God. Some view this as figurative. Sometimes I think it's much more literal than we would believe.

Sheep and Goats

2008-02-07T10:23:00.000-05:00

By Matt

In Matthew 25 we get the famous parable of the sheep and the goats and the difference between the two are that the sheep are the one who took care of the sick, clothed the naked, invited in the strangers, gave food to the hungry, and drink to the thirsty, and visited the imprisoned. Goats did the exact opposite. Sheep take their inheritance in a kingdom prepared for them. Goats are sent away into the eternal fire prepared for Satan. This is probably the most cut and dry passage I have run into so far where Jesus clearly shows who the quick and the dead are. While it is all about knowing him, it's about not necessarily knowing that it is him. The sheep are surprised, they never knew the folks they served were Jesus, same goes for the goats except they didn't serve.

More so than any other passage I have read so far, this makes it seem pretty obvious that those who do good (not just those who are "good") are saved. Maybe we have to reconcile Jesus' statement that no one goes to the Father except through him with the idea that serving others is serving him and therefore going through him.

I don't know. This topic is kind of living up to what I expected it to be but I still don't know how I feel about all this.

Sheepish

2008-02-06T17:06:00.000-05:00

by Ben

I feel sheepish. I haven't kept to my push to do devotions regularly. In my straying, I came to discover that life was becoming difficult. It seems to me that this always happens when I haven't been keeping up my personal spiritual life. Having read books on ministry and experienced this feeling before, I should know better. Yet, time and again, I say to myself, "I'm in the word almost every day." Yet these times are for work, not for my own connection to God.

And here I sit, writing another apology dLog post to God.

It could be that God is laying this on my heart because it is Ash Wednesday. It could be that this is the guilt that comes with working in ministry - that my own spiritual life is never good enough. Or it could just be part of following God.

I think of the Israelites and Jews, and their frequent back and forth nature with God. I think of Paul, who wrote about wanting to do good, yet still doing evil. I think of my own wavering and resteadying of faith.

Sometimes it is easier to hear the master's voice. Sometimes, it is so clear to know what God wants me to do, which direction I need to go. And sometimes it is a struggle.

We know when we have stepped off of the sidewalk on a busy street. We know when we are off the beaten path through the woods. Be it cars or wild animals, there are things that let us know that we are not where we should be.

The same is true with God. In our walk toward Him, we know when we have left the path. Feelings, events, and mindsets let us know that we are not where we should be.

Inaction can just as easily be a sin as action can. If we are not actively seeking God with our whole being, we fall into the trap of becoming comfortable with the world. And it sometimes takes a scare or bump to get us back on track.

For me that bump came yesterday in the form of negativity. Everyone I ran into seemed to be complaining about things in their life. And not the kind of complaining that leads to active change, but complaining for the sake of complaining.

And then it happened. I was sitting talking to a coworker when I heard it. I was doing the very same thing. I was complaining without any positive direction. My negative mindset was affecting my perception of the world. I don't know when it began, but I knew I was in it. Up to my elbows in negativity.

I talked to my wife about it that night, and suddenly I had the feeling that we should read from our couples' devotional. And wouldn't you know, the next one (where we had left off a while back) was about finding safe harbor in your spouse. Releasing all of the tension from your day constructively with the person you do life with.

After reading the devotional, we talked and went for a walk, sharing our frustrations, joys, hopes, and worries. We both felt as though the steam valve had been opend and the pressure on our lives had been released.

So, here I sit, sheepishly writing after doing my Lenten devotionals. I can hear the Shepherd. He's calling me to Him, through discipline and quality time.

The Servants

2008-02-05T12:40:00.000-05:00

By Matt

Oh, Matthew 24 is a fun one for sure! Let's take a look at the parable involving the servants that comes at the end. Jesus has been foretelling the end of the world and implores his disciples to be on the lookout and at the ready lest Jesus returns and catches them unawares (like that great bumper sticker: "Jesus is coming (look busy)." Anyways, in the parable Jesus talks about two servants put in charge of their master's house while he is away. The first servant makes sure that everyone in the house is fed at the right time; the second servant beats all the other servants. Obviously the first servant is good and the second servant is not so good. However, the sneaky master decides to show up unexpected and unannounced and finds the not so good servant beating the other servants. He is then cut to pieces and assigned to a place with the hypocrites (Pharisees?) and then weeps and gnashes his teeth.

I put it humorously because it's kind of an outlandish example, but it's pretty clear what Jesus is expecting. Jesus, the master, might be out of the house for a while but people who use their power to help others will be rewarded while those who use it to take advantage of others will get the beat down. For the thousandth time it all comes down to, "With great power comes great responsibility." So, like other stories where condemnation is offered, it's very clear that those who act in love are rewarded while those who don't are damned. It's interesting to me that I haven't yet found anything about belief in Christ being necessary for eternal life. However, the Gospel of Matthew makes it very clear that doing anything worthwhile and out of faith requires belief in Jesus as the son of God. Still not sure what to make of all of this!

In Jesus' Sights

2008-01-31T09:44:00.000-05:00

By Matt

I listened to a bunch of Matthew (from the transfiguration to the railing against the Pharisees)

There really is something to listening to the Bible. I'm not sure what the difference is for me but it is definitely a very different experience. I think I test as a primarily visual learner but maybe the constant podcasting for the last year has made me into more of an auditory learner. But for whatever reason I feel that listening to the Gospels have given me a wide view of the form of Matthew and its themes and contours are much more visible than when I read chapter and verse.

Condemnation is pretty heavy in the chunk I heard today but all of it, and I mean all of it, is aimed at the Scribes and Pharisees and Sadducees and pretty much everyone who ought to know better. I am struck more and more how it's sheer faith and not your religious resume that gets you into God's graces. More specifically, it's faith in Christ that does it. Healing after healing, miracle after miracle, they all follow one simple pattern: the afflicted comes to Jesus knowing in his or her heart that he is the messiah, the son of God, and has the power to heal or restore or resurrect or free. He or she verbalizes their desire, Jesus recognizes their great faith and, because of that faith in him and what he can accomplish, something miraculous happens. And it's not the religious leaders getting these favors, it's everyone else. In fact, the one person Jesus lifts up as having the most faith is a Roman soldier. The oppressors, the occupiers. That's unthinkable. But he does it, Jesus calls it like it is.

Through a multitude of parables Jesus makes it very clear for whom he came. And it wasn't the ones who believe they have the monopoly on messiahs. In fact, he goes as far as to say that they're going to be the ones left out of the wedding party, the ones thrown out of the vineyard. Also unfortunately is that if there is one group of people I can identify with in the Bible, it's these guys. Born into a Christian family, baptized in the Presbyterian church a few weeks into life, and then raised in the church the rest of my life and only straying away for a few weeks here and there, I have a lot more in common with these religious know-it-alls then the prostitutes and tax collectors and Roman centurions and sick and possessed. They're the ones in Jesus' sights for his love and compassion and mercy. I'm right there with the Pharisees and Sadducees and Scribes and Herodians and all those guys. The ones who should know better but still, through heardened hearts and skulls, just don't get it.

Thank God it is as it always is with God: there is hope for all of us. In the midst of this condemnation of the religious higher-ups stands a man who embodied everything that they are but who was called by name to serve him as a witness to the resurrected Christ: Paul. As Paul himself puts it, "If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless." No one is more religious than Paul and he has the credentials to prove it. But here's what he follows up with:

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Paul, like the whores and the traitors and the diseased and the hated, figures out what saves: not the Law, not anything we could ever hope to do, but the ridiculously simple act of turning to Christ and realizing that nothing else really matters.

Backup

2008-01-28T11:14:00.000-05:00

By Matt

I put in the Bible Experience CD today not quite sure where I was last time and lo and behold I found another condemnation/salvation reference that I had caught the first time listening but forgot to dLog about when I got to the computer. We're looking at Matthew 12:36-37 and it says: "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

Now I found this very interesting because we so often here that there's nothing we can do that will save us but apparently there are things we can say. It's frustrating to me that Jesus doesn't quite spell out what good things we can say to be acquitted by but if you backup a little bit earlier in the paragraph I think you get some ideas: "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." So, basically if you have a good heart, you'll be saying good things and maybe it's the good heart that's saving you. But doesn't God already know what's in our hearts to begin with? Why would he need to hear what we say to judge us quick or dead? That doesn't quite make sense to me.

Next I looked at Matthew 15. The Pharisees are up to their old tricks of trying to catch Jesus at some legalistic hoopla but, of course, Jesus has none of it and sticks it to 'em. The disciples, in their typical display of brilliance, point out, "Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?" (Verse 12)

Jesus replies: "Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit" (13-14).

I think this obviously goes back to the parable I discussed in my previous post where Jesus talks about the parable of the good sower who sows his field and then his enemy goes and sows weeds in the same field. Here Christ is condemning those who ought to know better, the religious leaders. Kind of confirming my hypothesis so far!

A Parable

2008-01-22T10:50:00.000-05:00

By Matt

I listened to: A lot of Matthew. It's hard to keep track of the chapters and verses when you're listening :)

In Matthew 13 Jesus tells two parables about folks planting stuff and for the most part they keep the same tenor and vehicles in both metaphors. God is the good sower, the righteous are the healthy plants, and the weeds are those who work for evil. When we look at the second parable told (the one where the sower sows and then his enemy comes into the same field and sows weeds), we get this explanation from Jesus:

"As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the fiery furnaces, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear."

So, yeah, that sounds like a definite stance on condemnation! However, it's not clear what separates the good from the bad. All who cause sin? I'm sure that I've done that once or twice. I know I do evil from time to time. Not a good prospect for me. But let's look at the description of the good plants: " . . . and the good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom." Going back to the beatitudes, those who inherit the kingdom are the poor in spirit, the persecuted, and the martyred. Hmmm.

But also in today's listening was this twice-heard phrase: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." Jesus quotes that at the Pharisees twice after they go after him for doing something they consider against the Law but Jesus doesn't agree. Apparently it's from Hosea 6:6 and the rest of the phrase goes: "For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings." Huh. Couple that with the stories that arise from this part of Matthew where folks are believing with great faith in Jesus' ability to heal and resurrect and you have something there: people who act in faith in what God can do are saved. There is an acknowledgment that Jesus is God and powerful and can do the impossible (that makes him mighty) in them. They aren't being "saved" or "accepting Jesus as their personal lord and savior" perhaps, but they are leading righteous lives that makes them good soil for hearing and accepting what Jesus was doing in their midst and allowing that crop to come forth for the harvest.

The Bible Experience

2008-01-18T09:22:00.001-05:00

By Matt

Today's dLog post is brought to you by Joel Harris! (Fellow dLoggers are apparently awesome wedding gift givers.) Joel was kind enough to buy us The Bible Experience, the entire Bible recorded on CD with an awesome cast. After not being quite comfortable with skimming the Gospels to find events where Jesus talked about condemnation, I decided to break out the CD's and listen on the way to work. So, that was a good half hour of listening, probably could find something.

Wow.

It's an amazing thing to hear Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. The words, though familiar, took on a different twist hearing them spoken aloud with a little bit of production. The power and radicalness of what Jesus says is just amazing. I'm sold on TBE and I think it's going to become a powerful part of my morning commute. I think I found something I can concentrate on and use as a devotional-on-the-go.

Anyways, let's take a look at Matthew 7:21-23, the next time Jesus says yay or nay: "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' THen I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"

Well, J, don't pull any punches, k?

This is pretty complex, but here's what I've unpacked so far. It sounds like prophesying and exorcising are good things, why wouldn't Jesus be pleased? But it's one's motivations that determines the morality of one's actions, as Mr. Deckard would say. So, let's look at 1 Corinthians 13: "If I have the gift of prophecy . . . but have not love, I am nothing." Love is the will of the father. If we do anything apart from love, we are missing the boat, hitting the cymbals in a Presbyterian rhythm. Love is the first and last in God's book.

I have to think that this is aimed at the hypocrites. The one who speak about God but have no idea who he really is. "Out of luck," might Jesus say, "are the hypocrites; for their pretense will be exposed."

And who are the hypocrites? The religious leaders, the faithful know-it-alls. Yikes.

Damn

2008-01-15T10:34:00.000-05:00

By Matt

So months ago (September really) I said I was going to start going through the Gospels and picking out stories where Jesus talks about condemnation or salvation. This all started out when last summer I was attending a Bible study and the leader said that sometimes it's necessary to make condemnation for sins a part of evangelism 'cause Jesus did it. Well, I didn't have the evidence at the time to disagree, which was my immediate reaction, so I decided that at some point I'd get to going through the Gospels and seeing if that hypothesis plays out. From all the encounters that I could remember it seemed like caring for the poor and loving one's neighbor was more important than remembering sins in Jesus' name. We'll see!

Today I skimmed Matthew up to chapter 5, the beatitudes. Right there Jesus names off two groups of folks who get to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven: the poor in spirit and those who are persecuted because of their righteousness. So that's our first instance. However, I should point out that I'm making a judgment call in equating the "kingdom of heaven" with just plain ol' heaven. After all these years I'm still not 100% clear on what the differences might be if there are any.

But anyways, right here we don't see condemnation. All of the conditions for being blessed are positive. It's not, "If you are doing drugs you won't inherit the kingdom of heaven." It's Jesus affirming positive behaviors and attitudes. But still, I think there has to be some sort of qualification here. Maybe? I mean, all you have to do is be "poor in spirit"? Is it as easy as that? I don't know. Is this for people who have already been saved? I guess I'm not sure, this doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense to me. Does Jesus exaggerate? Is there something wrong with me that I'd be miffed that anyone who is just plain ol' poor in spirit gets to inherit heaven without any other prerequisites?

I thought I had the beatitudes nailed. Now I'm just confused. Persecution is easy enough though :)

Axle said it pretty well.

2008-01-08T23:50:00.000-05:00

By Ben

I read Isaiah 61.

This passage is essentially a prophesy of the good news of Jesus Christ. How totally amazing to have these kinds of predictions centuries before the events they describe were to take place. We say amazing, the Jews might have said otherwise in the in-between time. I can only imagine the anticipation they would have felt. After about 70 years or so, they probably started to really doubt the truth of the prophesies. Let alone 700 years.

I was talking tonight to a friend who has been going through a tough time. He is struggling with someone he knows who seems to be walking away from God, without any desire to seek divine help. My friend wanted to jump on the situation (nip it in the bud, as they say). He intended to talk with his friend tomorrow, but when we spoke, he could hardly come up with what he was going to say.

I'm in an interesting situation right now, I can't share much at this time, but I'm excited for the wild ride that my life is going to take. I am one who when I see what is coming, I want to leap into that future head first, sometimes forgetting to enjoy the present.

Sometimes we just need a little patience.

Tending the Soil

2008-01-06T22:55:00.000-05:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 56-60.

The messages found in Isaiah rang out clearly tonight. Each chapter seemed to go back and forth as times when Israel was obedient to God and times when Israel strayed from God. It truly is the story of all of God's children. Thousands of years later, we still make the same mistakes. We still struggle with God's law and Christ's teachings. Not that we disagree with them; they are all noble enough, but that we struggle in living them out.

When was the last time anyone you know sold all of their possessions and gave the money to the poor? When was the last time you stepped out in faith and acted without knowing the result?

I'd love to be a part of a long-term mission project that meant I had to live in lousy conditions and learn how to survive in a rougher environment, but will I ever do it?

I still have trouble just keeping the Sabbath holy. Holy, that is set apart or sacred. I still invariably end up going shopping and causing someone else to work on the Sabbath. My Sabbath (usually a Friday due to working at the church), is usually just a down day, wherein little spiritual nourishment takes place.

Isaiah 58 has something to say about this seemingly simple commandment:

"¹³If you refrain from trampling the sabbath,
from pursuing your own interests on my holy day;
if you call the sabbath a delight
and the holy day of the Lord honourable;
if you honour it, not going your own ways,
serving your own interests, or pursuing your own affairs; or speaking words');" onmouseout="return nd();">
¹⁴then you shall take delight in the Lord,
and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth;
I will feed you with the heritage of your ancestor Jacob,
for the mouth of the Lord has spoken."

So, in keeping the Sabbath, I must learn to not go my own way. I've made the Sabbath my own, not a day set aside for God. Ouch.

Take time. Reflect on your own life. Where do you need to do some spiritual weed pulling? I'm beginning to look around at my own life and I'm seeing a field of thistles.

Baby Steps

2008-01-05T23:46:00.000-05:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 50-55.

Have you ever had a moment where God so convicted your heart, that it caused you to react in obedience?

Tonight, as Kate and I sat talking about the future, both hopes and doubts, I sensed that I was really far from God. I told Kate about the feeling and she said a very simple, but very poignant thing: that's not where we should be while we are trying to discern.

Our discussion turned very serious and became a time of confession about our joint and individual prayer life. We agreed to setup a routine, in order to help us make God a priority in our lives. (Yes, sometimes even Youth Pastors struggle with daily prayer)

So, here I am tonight, writing, after having read a small chunk of Isaiah, finding it difficult to comment on what I read. I think it is difficult to expound on the prophets anyway, but I am truly struggling tonight.

I think maybe this is the beginning of my 40 days in the wilderness. I want to follow God, but it is difficult to find Him. Because of my own disobedience, He seems far away.

I know He is calling, so I push on to find Him. I plan to keep going, although I know that I will face strong resistance. I am saddened to know that this will take on many familiar forms. Nevertheless, I know that I have been called to walk. And as the proverb goes: a journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step. So, let's get to it.

All Is Quiet on New Year's Day

2008-01-02T10:45:00.001-05:00

Well, truth be told, it's the day after New Year's Day. In other words, it's time to get back to work. Students are back in school, no more sleeping in, and I'm back at work. It's the time of year when everyone makes their NY resolutions and everyone online who thinks they know better spends their time making fun of people making resolutions or quoting studies that show that resolutions don't actually work. Despite that, I'm going to admit that I do have some resolutions to make, but as I've proved before the only thing I do consistently is act inconsistently.

So, before I get to resolutions, let's recap 2007. 2007, for those of you who weren't aware, was a year where God was working. Now there really isn't enough room here (or knowledge of all that in my head) so I'm going to cover some of the more specific events and lessons learned in my life in the past year.

Going way back to last January there were a couple of big events that happened there. Let's see, there was my first Princeton Forum in Nashville. A lot of that went towards how I would shape the mission trip for this summer, mainly along the lines of requiring a lot of my students in terms of preparation which went very well, but only as far as I was willing to go along with it. Then there was the DEEP Ski Retreat where the theme was about creating our identity in God. Which was a great message but I realized soon after that it fell short of getting to a good stopping point in terms of a lesson. How'd I figure that out? Because at Princeton they were giving away the audio journals and one of the previous ones I hadn't listened to yet was entitled "Belonging to God." And in it they quote from "Belonging to God: A First Catechism," from which I shall quote:

Question 1. Who are you?
I am a child of God.

Question 2. What does it mean to be a child of God?
That I belong to God, who loves me.

Question 3. What makes you a child of God?
Grace -- God's free gift of love that I do not deserve and cannot earn.

Man, I tear up just retyping that. It's such a powerful, needed message. Our worth isn't from anything we've done or even could do. It's not from who loves us or who we love. It comes from the simple fact that we come from God and he is our father and we bear his image and his love. Identity in God is great, but knowing that we are God's sons and daughters is the message that our world doesn't know and needs to hear.

Oh yeah, a funny thing happened in January, I became engaged. And then embroiled in that necessary evil called wedding planning. But I'll wrap that up when I get to October. :)

Then you get February through June, a relatively quiet time that was professionally wrapped up in preparing for Jamaica and personally wrapped up in wedding planning and a sudden new hobby: WWII reenacting. Reenacting is just another one of my obsessive hobbies that I switch around every few years. It's sad to say but it may not last more than a couple years. Can't really say for sure. Comic book reading is coming up on its 3rd year though. Anyways, reenacting has taught me more than a little bit about life with God by trying to be someone from 60 years ago but someone who is still thoroughly a modern person living in a modern world among modern people.

Pretty early into my reenacting career I came onto the subject of chaplains. I was aware of chaplains and what they do and how they do it but this made me look specifically at WWII chaplains and open myself up to some of their stories. I learned that Chaplains are made of extraordinary stuff and have a very fine line to walk in relating to the men they shepherd in the worst of all human-created scenarios that can create all sorts of internal conflict for a man of God. But I also learned about how Christians need to be chaplains in every group they are in. They need to be of extraordinary strength and courage to living in their circles in the world and be willing to be light and salt. I came to find that in my own reenacting unit there are lots of great guys but I was living a very different life than most of them. I haven't held confession or handed out communion and I'm technically not even our unit's chaplain, but I feel the need to be living my life as God's son among those men and women.

I also had the boots lesson where I learned about the necessity of protecting and beautifying my life with exposure to God. That's a lesson I still need some learning on. But, truth be told, my boots aren't as good as they could be either :P

Then there's July, a month I was simultaneously dreading and looking forward to. Jamaica and Montreat at breakneck pace. I survived both but secretly enjoyed Jamaica way more than Montreat. Jamaica definitely had its lessons though. I remember great conversations with the youth group there about living in Christian community and seeing that start to happen as the lessons God showed me began to sink in as I tried to teach them. But coming out of Jamaica I realized the power and freedom to be found in being happy with less. Even now as I think about the article I wrote for Relevant and all the talking I did, the lessons seemed to have dimmed as Lisa and I bowed to the Christmas monster and I now have a text messaging plan and I start to shrug off all the things I was doing without mainly in the name of saving for the wedding. Or the contradiction of wanting to be content with less but my two main hobbies, reenacting and comics, are about hoarding. So obviously I have a ways to go there and this reminder helped!

August met September and then September met October in a rush of expectations as the wedding finally arrived! It was seriously one of the best weekends of my young life, and for many reasons. Mostly because it went off without a hitch and that's thanks to so many people. I was seriously worried with my voice gone, a pastor gone, and the ridiculous rains that preceded everything but it all came together. I'm pretty sure I didn't lift a finger that weekend thanks to all the help from everyone involved. It was ridiculous! But in a good way. That was some serious community, as Ben put it in his dLog entry. But it was also great because, hey, I have a great wife. And she is still putting up with me two months later!

And then that's been the big lessons the rest of the year: learning to love. Let's face it, no matter how good you think you are at loving someone it's in your nature to love yourself first and exclusively. The feelings of love come easy at first but the act of loving takes laser-like focus and effort to maintain on a regular basis. Thankfully I'm blessed with a patient wife who sees potential in me that I'm not even aware of. And that's how you know that God is present in our marriage because that's more patience and vision than I think any one human could ever possess ;)

So, all in all, 2007 was a very good year.

Radically Beloved

2007-12-12T09:22:00.000-05:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 43-49.

"I'd sell of the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you."

What an image.

God's love for His people is so strong. I've been thinking a lot about love recently, partially due to some conversations about different forms of love. One of my students is struggling with some issues of emotional and spiritual love. Another is dealing with how to verbally differentiate between love toward family and romantic love. All the while, I'm sure they are all facing the temptations of physical love.

God. Love. God is love. What does that mean to you? In trying to teach on God's connection to love, I have suggested that God is all forms of love all wrapped up in one. But this picture is too complicated for us to grasp, which suggests that I'm on the right track.

I've heard someone describe God's love as "wild abandon." Still others have described God's people as "radically beloved."

So, going beyond cryptic phrases, what does that look like when it is lived out?

This is where we look to our Biblical characters, specifically how God interacted with them. We think of Abraham, Noah, Moses, and many others. But more than that, we can take the Bible as a whole to be an example. If I was to give the Ben's notes version of the Bible, it is a story of God trying desperately to show His people love. When we remember that the Bible is our story as well, we overlay the idea onto ourselves: it is a story of God trying desperately to show us His love.

We have only to respond to His love in kind.

Not counting the cost

2007-11-19T15:06:00.000-05:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 40-42.

I began reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's "The Cost of Discipleship." I'm only into the second chapter and I am left nearly speechless at the way that he describes life in Christ. It is a very humbling experience, as he makes sure to explain the difference between cheap grace and grace that comes at a cost. Citing the stories of the rich young man (Matt. 19) and the testing lawyer (Luke 10), Bonhoeffer makes the point clear about what we as followers of Christ must do in our own lives. We must be willing to give up everything.

Someone once told me the definition of "repent" went much further than asking for forgiveness, as many feel it means today. Instead, they suggested that in older meanings of the word, it meant to do a full about face and to run away from what you were doing. Thus, repentance of a sin would be to actively work against that sin.

Bonhoeffer goes on to talk about a two-part statement in relation to faith:

Only those who believe obey and only those who obey believe.

This statement seems to relate to all who come into contact with the message of the Gospel. For those who have trouble believing, the have only to step out in faith (obedience). For those who have trouble obeying, they must search their beliefs.

Obviously, easier said than done. But this gives us a framework within which to attempt to live out our lives. Yet, it does not put restraints on our faith.

Christ called the disciples, saying, "Follow me." We don't get the psychological background that went into their decision-making process. We don't get whether they had ever heard of Jesus before and went based on his reputation. We just get that they went. They obeyed. That is, they obeyed before they had belief.

Imagine how easy it would have been for them as good Jews to merely sit back in their differing professions and wait for the Almighty to come and make the world right. How easy it would have been to say no. Yet, because they said yes to Christ, they grew in their belief. This pattern is still at work today. I've seen it in my own life. In choosing to work in the church, I have learned more about the call of Christ than I ever could have following my choice in career.

Yet, the other way around works too. As Christians, we are not only called to obey, but we are also called to believe. And belief can lead to obedience. In fact, it must or we become stagnant in our faith. We begin to accept and promote what Bonhoeffer calls "cheap grace." This is accepting Christ's sacrifice as sanctification for our sins, but does not require us to do anything. We cannot let ourselves fall into the trap of the world, which is to have an egocentric view that does not require personal sacrifice.

We must daily take up our cross. We must daily consider God's call on our lives. We must determine what it means for us to sell all of our possessions and give the money to the poor. But in the end, we must follow Christ. Whatever you must sacrifice, sacrifice it so that you may follow Him.

Warning: A Rant

2007-11-14T12:33:00.000-05:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 36-39.

This section recounts the story of Hezekiah vs. Assyria and the postponed death of Hezekiah.

Hezekiah, although grieving at the oncoming attack from the Assyrians (reported in a letter), takes time to pray to God. In fact, he puts the letter out in front of God and prays the following:

"God-of-the-Angel-Armies, enthroned over the cherubim-angels, you are God, the only God there is, God of all kingdoms on earth. You made heaven and earth. Listen, O God, and hear. Look, O God, and see. Mark all these words of Sennacherib that he sent to mock the living God. It's quite true, O God, that the kings of Assyria have devastated all the nations and their lands. They've thrown their gods into the trash and burned them - no great achievement since they were no-gods anyway, gods made in workshops, carved from wood and chiseled from rock. An end to the no-gods! But now step in, O God, our God. Save us from him. Let all the kingdoms of earth know that you and you alone are God" (Isaiah 37:15-20).

This prayer has much value even today. I was watching NOVA last night on PBS. The program was about the much debated trial of Intelligent Design vs. Evolution of Kitzmiller vs. Dover Area School District. The verdict of the trial was that ID is not a science and would never be taught in Dover schools. Although I agree with the decision in that the school board handled the whole situation poorly, I think it is a benefit that the discussion happened at all. It made people face the issue of how we educate our children. Mind you, it created much tension, even between family members, that still continues today. However, I think that is part of both good science and good faith.

We have to question beliefs, otherwise we don't grow. I don't know the ultimate truth of how humans came to be. I believe in the Bible, yet I believe that we can learn a lot through methodical observation of the world around us. I think that evolution should be taught in schools, but I also think that other ideas should be taught as well. I don't think that just because something cannot be tested by current methods means that it should be thrown out as an option. That's not good science. Testing and observation are part of the scientific method and should not be given up on so easily. Maybe there are other ways to test if there was a creator. I leave that to greater minds to ponder about.

This still leaves the question of what to teach our students. In science class, let us teach science, but I fear that we do our children a disservice by not trusting that they can study differing ideas and make their own decisions. Why do we teach any of what we teach in public education? What is the purpose of education? And what is the function of education? This article gives some suggestions as to both of these.

What if instead of teaching our children facts, we taught them how to think? Would they be able to make their own minds up about the origin of the species, God, and everything else?

Look back at the prayer above: how would you apply this prayer in relation to education and what we teach?

*************
A note: I studied to be a public educator, but now I currently serve as a youth advisor for a church in northeast Ohio. I believe that providing public education is important, but I think we need to reconsider what we teach based upon what our purpose for education is and for any functions that come as a result of that public education. I do not think that science and religion have to be at odds, nor do I think that anybody has everything figured out.

cut to the heart

2007-11-06T09:04:00.000-05:00

Acts
ch. 2
v. 37

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?"

it struck me today while reading this who Peter was talking to and why he used the words that he did. vs. 5-13 clearly set up Jews as his audience. yes, they were from all over, but they were also all Jews. in his following "sermonette," Peter quotes Old Testament prophecies three different times at length. maybe Paul wasn't being all that original when he said he would be all things to all men. Peter's words, inspired by the Holy Spirit are so right on the mark that, though he's ultimately accusing those he's speaking to of horrible acts, they are "cut to the heart" and respond in repentance and turning toward God. Over 3000.

God, give me the words to speak to those who need to hear them. and give me the ears to hear your words spoken to me.

prayer

2007-11-05T09:02:00.000-05:00

Acts
ch. 1
v. 14

They all joined together constantly in prayer...

i wonder what this must have looked like. i don't think prayer then looked much like prayer today. we've had centuries and centuries of practice at over analyzing and inserting rules into our practices of prayer. the most obvious instruction on prayer by Christ, the Lord's Prayer, certainly seems to not be able to last for much longer than a few minutes. so what does it mean that they joined together "constantly" in prayer? what did these prayers sound like, feel like, consist of? what were they praying about anyway...what to do next?

ben, in his last post, talked about calling and how we sense the Spirit's leading. this is something that, honestly, has confused me for the last several years. i used to have a very dogmatic way of approaching life decisions. i just ran it through a series of tests and then i knew it was God approved. however, somewhere along the way, i started running decisions through my systematic doctrine of calling and what i sensed to be the outcome and what life ended up deciding became two separate stories. this didn't align with my understanding at all.

v. 24-26
Then they prayed, "Lord, you know everyone's heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs." Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias, so he was added to the eleven apostles.

it struck me today while i was reading this chapter for the fourth time that possibly something more significant than the casting of lots would be used to determine the identity of the twelth apostle. i mean, we're talking about a group of people that would only exist as a group of 12 among the billions of people that have existed throughout history. about a group of people who played a gigantic role in the spreading of the Gospel and the establishing of the church. and it came down to chance? but not just chance. chance redeemed by prayer?

maybe...just maybe we approach calling in a far too modern sense. God has a specific plan. my life is a map. for every choice there's a right and a wrong. maybe God is much more fluid than that. maybe it's more about his character than about a specific will. maybe. i'm not sure i want to believe that because it's quite a bit scarier. i'd prefer that he emblazen my next move in the clouds every day.

tomorrow i think i'm finally moving onto chapter two.

A Calling

2007-11-02T13:53:00.001-04:00

by Ben

I'm not writing about Scripture today (sorry). Instead, I will attempt to try to give words to a feeling that I am experiencing. Some have called it a "calling" - I want to distinguish between what I am feeling and the sense of my own desire. My wants have little to do with this experience.

I feel that I should be going to seminary. That is my next step. I was talking about this feeling in a conversation today and I realized that the whole thing is backwards from the way that I've run my life. Traditionally, I would discern a goal and then figure out how to get there.

For example, in 8th grade, I knew that I wanted to be an English teacher and drama director, so I focused my attention on how to do that, and sought a degree at college that would allow me to teach.

However, along the way, I was offered the job at the church. Uncharacteristically, I took the job, having never intended to work in a church setting (and really only being a marginal Christian at the time). I can only say that God wanted my attention. It was because of being involved in Christian education that I have grown in my faith.

I must say here that the decision to work at a church, when I was assured my dream job at a school district in Cleveland was a difficult one. I still can't fully explain the feeling I had at the time. (I have since felt great joy due to this choice, but that is not the point of this story).

I again am having that same feeling. I feel that I should go to seminary. I don't yet know what that means. I don't really have the desire right now to become a senior pastor, but who knows. Again, my wants aren't really leading this adventure. So, for now, I must follow this feeling, wherever it leads. I pray that I am following God's will.

dueling kingdoms

2007-11-01T09:09:00.000-04:00

He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God...

...So when they met together, they asked him, "Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?"

the kingdom of God seems to be a pretty central theme of Christ's ministry. the term shows up 51 times in the Gospels and another six times in Acts, besides a handful of times in the rest of the New Testament. apparently it's something that Christ, and his followers, are fairly keen on.

i was struck though by the proximity of two kingdoms in chapter 1. first, in verse three, Luke tells us that Christ's primary task after resurrecting was speaking of the kingdom of God. and then, just a handful of verses later in verse six his disciples ask if he is now going to restore the kingdom of Israel.

God's concerned with establishing himself. we're concerned with establishing ourselves. hereing lies the rub. as subjects, as creation, as children of God, we forget our primary life of being all about the One to whom we're subject, who created us, who Father's us.

i struggle with this. i want my own "kingdom" established and the sooner the better. i want God to serve my most recent wishes, to do what i want. and it's not that he's bent on making me miserable. his kingdom isn't about making us doing the things we want to the least. in fact, i'm more and more prone to leave that our desires and God's kingdom line up more often than not. but i think a lot of it has to do with the order in which they're pursued.

i think it's scary that God used people that were so messed up to spread who he was to the rest of the world. one minute they're asking this ill-aimed question that's all about power and authority and them getting what they want. and the next minute Christ is gone and they're all standing around dumbfounded.

i also think it's that God uses people that are so messed up to spread who he is to the rest of the world. one minute i'm bent on my personal dreams. and the next i'm dumbfounded by seeing Christ at work in the world around me. at work through me and despite me.

all that Jesus began...

2007-10-31T10:16:00.000-04:00

"In my former book, Theophilus, I wrote about all that Jesus began to do and to teach until the day he was taken up to heaven..."

i am a linear, logical thinker. as much as i love to rail against "moderns", defy science, and choose my own way, i'm really not all that radical. i make most decisions based on my limited life experience rather than on eternal promises. i think of other people as a conglomeration of stereotypes who, if i can be judgemental enough, i can always figure out. and i think of God in terms that i can understand, rather than realizing he supercedes my definitions.

so when i read in the first verse of Acts that Luke wrote earlier (in his self-titled essay) only of what Jesus began and not all that Jesus accomplished, i am easily confused. if he meant that he only got to write part of what Jesus did because, as John suggests, there's not enough resources in the world (and God, being God, desired to have his Bible be a environmentally sustainable book and not kill all the trees and such) that's one thing. but instead he seems to say that somehow Christ's departure wasn't the end of his work.

because he's still alive, right? Jesus is talking and if we'd listen then we'd do what he says. and besides that, most importantly, he has to come rescue us at some point from this hell we live in so that we can kick it with him forever.

but i'm thinking that maybe there's a bigger idea behind this. this is the first verse of Acts. as in "the ACTS of the CHURCH." it's like God, through his handy scribe Luke, sets about from the very beginning of Acts to remind us that he's not done. He's not on vacation or sabbatical or even a potty break. Paul caught this...in Collossians he reminded us that all of our hope and glory and life is "Christ in you, the hope of glory!" Jesus himself said that we'd do greater things. Not because we're better, but because he chooses to now indwell each of us, instead of one bodily form. and in this multiplication, there's somehow more. don't take that statement too far...i don't really understand how that's theologically possible. but that's not the point. the point is...

Jesus began.

AND

we continue.

scary.

Happy Halloween.

To: Matt and Lisa Wiggins

2007-10-29T16:06:00.001-04:00

Congratulations Matt and Lisa!

I pray that you have safe travels and a wonderful time on your honeymoon.

Following the wedding weekend, I wanted to share some things that I reflected on and discussed with Kate:

The people and events of the weekend just felt right. As many of the people who were involved with the wedding lived in community, over the weekend we developed bonds and had a shared sense of the love that is going into your marriage.

I am honored that I was part of the joining of this Christian relationship.

Matt and Lisa, I pray that God blesses you and your marriage. That He guides you when times get difficult and that you always look to Him for guidance. I want to be available to both of you as a friend that you can share joys and pains with. Thank you for including Kate and I in a weekend that served to strengthen our vows and permitted us to share in the joy of yours.

In Christ,
Ben

Reforming

2007-10-29T15:40:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 28-35.

As I read today, I found myself looking for words that would apply to my life, to my situation. I am contemplating a large decision and really want to make sure that I am doing what God wants and not what I want. It would be easy to say that that one option would benefit me, while the other would leave things up in the air. So, I find myself looking for answers from God in every place I can find them: life events (sometimes called coincidences), Scripture reading, and prayer. Here are two unrelated things that popped out at me:

I will make justice the measuring line and righteousness the plumb line; hail will sweep away your refuge, the lie, and water will overflow your hiding place (28:17).

and

O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it" (30:19-21).

In the first quote, I sense the push to strive for righteousness, to continue reading and praying. I must seek God in everything. Else the consequences are listed above.

I believe that I have already been experiencing the ideas within the second quote. This feeling is so hard to describe. Although it sounds trite, the "still, small voice" is an appropriate way to describe this. I believe that God still talks to us through the events of our lives and in prayer and Scripture. It is in these ways that I hope to obey God's call on my life.

Like the clay in the potters hands, I am being remade.

Going Hungry

2007-10-15T15:49:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read: Ecclesiastes 5

Although I've been horrible about dLogging, I've actually been very successful at reading on my own in the morning. It hasn't been much, usually two pages or a chapter, but I did zoom through Proverbs relatively quickly and, for lack of anywhere else to go, have gone to Ecclesiastes (I did Psalms before that so I'm just <3ing the books of wisdom lately).

Ecclesiastes is one of my favorites and one of the first whole books I read when I got my copy of The Message back in college. So looking at the underlines in it are taking a walk down memory lane to a me that's probably 4 or 5 years younger. So, although I read chapter 5, I couldn't help but notice the two tiny lines at the end of the page contained in chapter 6: "We work to feed our appetites; Meanwhile our souls go hungry."

Wow. I think it's funny that I underlined that back then because it's only recently I've taken that introspective turn to look at my needs and wants and trying to pare down the wants. Evidently it was, at least, a little bit on my mind back then. But now that I find it I'm amazed at the simplicity and profoundity of the statement. Solomon/Peterson nailed it succintly. Our culture is so driven by an appetite for celebrity, money, etc. that all you have to do is turn on the TV or pull up YouTube to witness the idiocy. Bridezilla. Who wants to be a bridezilla, someone who's basically, to put not to fine a point on it, a bitch? That's obviously not a positive thing. But there are countless women who encourage that notion about themselves by appearing on the show. It's one thing to be clueless and mean, it's another thing to be aware that you're being ridiculous and a jerk and want millions of people to see it.

But it's my own appetites that I feed while my soul gets passed over that I need to worry about. Money goes into eating out and WWII stuff and beer when it could and should be going to my tithe, to charities doing vital work. I still am so far from figuring out how to spend my money well that it's shocking I've made it this far! That we have so many sources for unfulfilling nourishment is only a small part of the problem. Far more culpable is me and my lack of self-control or awareness. I've been given the tools but I'm too lazy to use them.,

This is when scripture cuts like a scalpel (as it says in 2 Timothy). This isn't me hating myself, this is me glancing around the cave that is my life using the flashlight that the Word has handed me. I need work, but so does everyone else, and thank God that he's not done working on me yet :)

Megaphones and band aids

2007-10-15T14:00:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 24-27.

I read this section in the Message today and chapter 26 really jumped out at me. It really encapsulated some of my feelings and emotions about how God is dealing and will deal with the world. It has a sense of wanting an immediate action from God:

"You hold your hand up high, God,
but they don't see it.
Open their eyes to what you do,
to see your zealous love for your people.
Shame them. Light a fire under them" (26:11).

or as in the RSV:

"O LORD, thy hand is lifted up,
but they see it not.
Let them see thy zeal for thy people,
and be ashamed. Let the fire for thy adversaries consume them" (26:11).

Yet, the author seems to hold true to the idea that God is working in His own time:

"At that time, this song
will be sung in the country of Judah" (26:1a).

or as in the RSV:

"In that day this song will be sung in the land of Judah" (26:1a).

Knowing even a piece of God's plan for the future makes the waiting bearable. Isaiah tries to relate to our feelings and desire for God's restorative justice. Our human nature cries out for balance and Isaiah puts this into words both as a call to God to meet our need and as a balm to comfort our impatience.

A Battle to Live For

2007-10-11T15:47:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 16-23.

I just finished reading "Heaven's Wager" by Ted Dekker. I've really gotten into Christian fiction recently, or more specifically, the books by Ted Dekker. "Heaven's Wager" reads like a modern day Job. Kent Anthony is a computer software designer for a very large bank in Denver. After the death of his wife, the death of his son, and having a huge promotion stolen from him at work, Kent decides he is going to pull off the perfect crime: steal $20,000,000 without anyone noticing. Not only does Kent pull it off, but he disappears into a new life under several false names. However, he finds that the old addage is true, that wealth does not bring happiness, especially when you are all alone. When he runs into his deceased wife's mother, Helen, who has been praying for him all along (even through his apparent death), he begins to experience the love of God that has been with him all along.

Dekker's writing gives us a supposition of what life beyond our world looks like. Unlike Job, with Kent's case, Satan has challenged God again, not that he can turn a righteous man to evil, but that he can keep an unrighteous man from pursuing God. And God takes that challenge head on.

Dekker suggests that we are entertaining angels and demons through the everday occurances of our lives and that they help to guide our decision-making. He further supposes that this battle for the soul of Kent Anthony is not a singular occurance, but that we all are in the midst of a great struggle between good and evil. All that we have to do is open our eyes to that realization. Like Kent, once we see the reality of the world around us, we must reciprocate the passion that God has in His pursuit for us.

My Scripture reading has helped me to become closer to God and to understand Him better. I know that I need Him and that I need ways to connect to Him. It sounds trite, but I realize that in no way can I make it through this life on my own. But to go further, I know that my whole outlook on life can change through reading Scripture and seeking God in prayer. This must be a daily occurance for me, or I find myself running the other direction. I can sense the battle over my own soul. And I know which way I need to fight.

The Unexplainable

2007-10-05T11:43:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 14-15.

Today is my day off. Some time ago, when I was first getting into writing on the dLog, I said that I couldn't post on my days off because it made me think about work. I would invariably end up checking my work e-mail and suddenly, I wasn't taking a Sabbath.

I realize now how foolish I was in saying this. I can read Scripture and post on days off without succumbing to work. It is more difficult now, as Kate and I don't have the Internet at home (I write this from the local library), but still feasible. I just have to make the time for it.

I found myself wanting to read today. Wanting the nourishment of Scripture. I have something moderately big to do today and I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to read the Bible before I did it. That is a strange feeling to have. My last few posts have been more about feeling and interpretation of experience than about the actual content of the passages that I am reading, but I feel like that is what the prophets would have been interested in. They wrote things that probably didn't make a whole lot of sense to them (or anybody else around them). And so, here I am, trying to do the same thing. Not prophesy, by any means, but write the unexplainable.

The Importance of the Process

2007-10-03T09:16:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 11-13.

I'm beginning to get life lessons on the slogan for the dLog. And because of these events, I am starting to see how Scripture is viewed as food.

On days that I read, I find that things make sense. On days that I don't read, I find myself getting frustrated more and having more difficulties with the world around me. I don't think there are changes in the world, but there are certainly drastic changes in my mood and the way I view things.

I know that when I haven't read for a while (a couple of days), I get short with people. My anger builds up over little things until I feel like I'm going to blow up at somebody. And it takes a lot of convincing myself that it is worth my while to start reading again. But everytime that I do, I find relief. It's like a pressure valve let's off a little steam when I read Scripture.

Maybe that's not it at all. Maybe it just changes the way I view the things that got me frustrated in the first place. A paradigm shift, of sorts. And this shifts puts the world in a light that pales the importance of my frustrations, re-energizing me to apply myself to godly things.

Now, I'm mixing my metaphors. But I think my point is coming through. I've found that reading Scripture is like food that nourishes my soul, so that I can better follow God. Yes, there is much to be learned from the actual content of Scripture, but the process is just as important.

Brief

2007-09-27T12:49:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 9-10.

As I read, my mind was very cloudy. I think it is because I've been fighting off sickness the past few days, but I just couldn't focus. I think as I read through the rest of the prophets, I'm going to read some commentaries to help clarify some of the writings.

Sorry, short post today.

Disciplined Life

2007-09-26T16:24:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Isaiah 1-8.

It has been a while since I last posted, and sadly, since I last read Scripture on my own. I have really had a lapse in reading. I'm not sure what caused it, but I can tell you that there definitely have been effects. I feel very distant from God. It was actually work trying to convince myself to read today. Now, once I'd started, I just wanted to keep going, but I was having trouble taking it in. Mind you, Isaiah isn't a cakewalk, but my mind kept losing focus on what I was reading. I see the truth in the dLog's slogan. As a parallel, it has been a long time since I've worked out physically too. My first trip back to the YMCA was yesterday and it was an effort to get myself there, but once I was there, I wanted to keep exercising. Yet, my stamina was down and so I wasn't able to work out like I used to.

I am making it a goal to keep both my spiritual and physical workouts going. I feel that they are somehow connected. Dictionary.com defines "fitness" as "The state or condition of being fit; suitability or appropriateness." I think that in order to keep myself fit and appropriate for both this world and the next, I need to work on keeping a more "disciplined life."

Well, That's It for Romans

2007-09-13T10:37:00.000-04:00

By Matt

Chapter 16 is Paul's greetings, well wishes, and salutations. I suppose I could try and put something together there but it'd probably be just kind of . . . well, contrived. So, I decided I'd wander back to my first post which stated my intended goal for reading Romans and see what I find:

"On one hand there's Jesus saying, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' But on the other hand there's the image of a loving father who wants his children with him. Our initial instinct is to say these two images don't jive and at some point every Christian in his or her walk is going to wrestle with this issue. (Hopefully.)

"So, my goal for now is to read them as a cohesive letter with different topics all lending support to the main argument. Anyways, the main theme of Romans is paid in full or how we are justified with God. I instantly thought back to small group. Coincedence? Let's find out."

So, do I have an answer? Can I conclusively say either way? Heck no. Did I really think I was going to have a conclusive answer? Probably not. Does the answer matter? I'm not sure. I think one thing that was reinforced for me in this study is that we are responsible for one person: ourselves. We can't make up other peoples' minds and we really can't do a whole lot to change their behavior. So I need to be loving and gentle and patient with everyone else and take a harsh look at myself and start asking for God's help to scrub away the dirty spots in my life.

I guess I don't have a conclusive answer yet. Maybe my study of the Gospels will help me get a little closer. If there really even is a conclusive answer in this lifetime :)

Status v. Service

2007-09-10T12:46:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read Romans 16

"Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, "How can I help?"

Beautiful. I love it. The part I bolded is now residing in an honored position among the other Post-It notes of scriptural nuggets behind my monitor. But let's take a look at what Peterson does here: there is a tacit comparison of service and status here, placing them at opposite ends of a spectrum. I know that I have never really thought of status and service being opposites, so let's take a look, shall we?

Status is something you obtain for you or your immediate peers. Status opens up doors by elevating yourself into a higher social strata. You can come by it honestly or deceitfully. It's something to be seen, a way to get yourself noticed. It's also very fickle and rests on sandy ground: money, looks, talents, job, location, etc.

Service is something you do, often for folks you know but just as importantly for strangers or folks you're getting to know. Service can open up doors, but that's not necessarily the point. A lot of times it builds relationships though. You can do service for good and bad motivations but, no matter what, you're still doing something good for someone. It can give you notoriety, but doing it for notoriety's sake (i.e. a bad motivation) still makes something better for someone (hopefully). Service takes advantage of those fickle mistresses that create status: we can use our money to help someone else; our talents are put to good use to give a hand to someone else; the freedom and mobility of where we live can help folks who don't enjoy what we do. Not sure what looks can do in service except for getting you in some good photo ops :)

So, I don't know that they're polar opposites, but they do seem to have some contrasts. And that doesn't deny the fact that anything good we're given by God is meant to be used to benefit someone else. Damn straight.

Finding Pathways

2007-09-10T11:58:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Song of Songs 1-8.

First a note: after my last post disappeared right after I finished it, I decided to take my Bible and a notebook out to the courtyard and wrote there.

In finishing out the Song of Songs and reading through the book completely, I find myself as though enjoying a re-read of a favorite novel. I am seeing more than I have before as I go. But the very readingbrings me joy - afterward, I wished that I felt that same joy everytime I read Scripture.

I'm at an interesting place in my spiritual walk; I am beginning to internalize what I have been thinking and even saying about how I relate to God. I guess I'd still been working off of the world's paradigm of success and hierarchy. I'd been seeking or merely waiting for reward as I grew spiritually (and somewhat feeling as though there would be a finish line). It is one thing to say that you understand that and another to truly feel it. I still have to mentally fight against that sense of "what's in it for me?" But I find that this battle is really just about keeping perspective.

I've been clinging to things a lot - my house, my jobe, my perception of what God wants me to do. I think I need to pursue the Reformed, yet Reforming ideology in everything that I do.

How this directly relates to the Song of Songs, I can't fully explain, but I can say that it made me think about love, lust, culture, God, sacrifice, Christ, purpose, message, growth, Spirit, and time - and how I have viewed each of those and maybe how God wants me to view each of those. I really believe that Scripture can open up mental pathways that had previously remained blocked - even if they have little or nothing to do with what you are reading.

Getting Along

2007-09-06T10:25:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 14-15

I think that one of the more vital lessons in all of Christianity is simply how to get along with other Christians. In youth ministry we see it come up frequently while preparing for and on mission trips or at conferences. Those situations put is in frequent and close contact with people we're used to seeing a few times a week. It can be a strange adjustment that is made all the stranger by the addition of even more people you don't know with different backgrounds and traditions. And when conflict starts to arise, as it always does, we're often faced with trying to extinguish the flames when we're better off not having let the kindling build up in the first place.

Paul puts this all together rather eloquently in Romans 14. He talks about how some Christians might differ on what to eat, some might choose to be carnivores and some might be vegetarians. Then, as he puts it, "But since both are guests at Christ's table, wouldn't it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn't eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God's welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help" (my emphasis).

I think this is so important. God does not ask us to be concerned with the vegetarian if we're the carnivore. If we're the vegetarian we don't need to be concerned with the carnivore. God holds us responsible for exactly one person: ourselves. When I focus more on how I can respond to the person who I disagree with than on how I can fix the person I disagree with, we're letting go of our attempt at control and acknowledging that God will do the needed work to fix them. Or, more likely, to fix us. It can be a hard decision to make, but as Paul tells us in Galatians, our responsibility is to do the "creative best" with our life. Not anyone else's.

Finishing Touches

2007-09-04T11:17:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read Romans 13

"The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed."

I love the urgency of this statement. It reminds me of a sign over Pastor Gus' door: "God is at work, why aren't you?" In some ways that scenario is a bit of a theological impossibility: God can work all the time; we can't. But it is in other ways an encouragement and a reminder of the greatness for whom we work. "We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence. . . . "

I know deep inside that part of my ongoing campaign to avoid burning out by keeping to my hours, fiercely guarding my weekends, and establishing boundaries, is also in some parts just my general laziness. The perspective that gets put into by this paragraph is kind of frightening, but also inspiring. Kinda like that bumper sticker you see occasionally: "Jesus is coming (look busy)."

Laugh!

2007-08-30T10:04:00.001-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 12-13

"Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down" (Romans 12:14-15 or so).

I don't know where the dour-faced grumpy Christian perspective came from, but I'm positive that was never intended. Paul has a lot of great advice for living with other Christians in this chunk of chapter 12 but this one is my favorite. He's basically saying enjoy the good times together, be there for each other and take part in each others' sadness. It seems so obvious but it is very strange that fun and laughter and joking and enjoyment of life seem very dissonant from a "Christian" way of life. Guess that's why we have these books to set us straight :)

Undeserving, Yet Loved

2007-08-29T09:30:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Song of Songs 5-6 and The Interpreter's Bible commentary "III. The Exclusiveness of Love" and "IV. The Extravagance of Love."

The more that I read of this, the more that I wish that I could talk to God in the way that these lovers talk to each other. The sensual language that the young lovers use is out of complete love and trust for their partner. This wild abandon allows them to truly be who they are with each other and through this, they reveal their insecurities:

"I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys" the young maiden says about herself (2:1). She is feeling unworthy due to the love expressed by the young man and so she puts herself down. But the young man (so smooth) takes her negative comment and turns it into a compliment: "As a lily among brambles, so is my love among maidens" (2:2).

I have found this in my own experiences with Kate. I try to compliment her and she puts herself down. Of course, the same is true the other way around; Kate tries to compliment me and I get shy and don't know how to accept the positive statement.

I think that most of us don't know how to deal with positive language about ourselves. We want it...we crave it, but we don't know what to do when we get it, even from our mates - or from God. I bet that a regular conversation with Christ was one of the most awkward things in the world. Because of our discomfort in speaking in an open and loving way with those around us, how much more difficult it makes talking to God in this way.

*********
Lord, help me to express my true love for you, both in prayer and in my relationships with my brothers and sisters. Help me to shed any fear of being inadequate or unworthy to love you. I may be the lowliest of the low, but you love me and that shows how amazing you are for your people. You have all power and wisdom, yet you have all the love in the universe. I may never understand how you are all of those things at once, but I trust that you are. I delight that you know me and trust me with the awesome opportunity to influence your flock. I pray that I serve you well and example your love toward others for your glory. You are more than I can ever imagine and yet, I can't help but feel connected to you. Thank you. Amen.

Inclusive

2007-08-28T11:16:00.000-04:00

I read: Romans 11

One of the hardest things to accept about God's family is that he accepts everyone. That's pretty much the gist of 11 as Paul takes his time to explain that to his readers. The tricky part of all this is that you can't be cocky about it either, 'cause at one time or another your peeps were the folks on the outs with God. But now everything has been set aright.

Getting past the Jew/Gentile tension of Paul's day, I think that there are definitely folks sitting in churches today wishing that they didn't have to be in the same building as others. This much later and we're still not clued in to the fact that we don't get to pick and choose our family. Props for consistency at least :)

I don't have much writing in me today :(

Animals and Angels

2007-08-28T09:57:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read The Song of Songs 3-4 and The Interpreter's Bible commentary "II. The Redemption of the Commonplace."

From the commentary:

"Love and sex are fundamentally different. A valid sex code would not confuse love needs with sex needs (as so many people do). It would recognize that the basic need of all people is for love. If love needs are met, sexual satisfactions will often become relatively unimportant. On the other hand, offering sex to the love hungry, whether within or outside of marriage, may result in making their condition worse instead of better."

This simple idea, without going into too much detail, broaches the topic of premarital sex. The desire for the physical act of sex is really a misplaced longing, the longing for love. Unfortunately for us, we are living in a time when sex is not considered sacred and physical pleasure is as accessible as a loaf of bread. The prevalence of pornography in its various forms has tainted many people's view of sex. This paradigm shift has served to further remove sex from being a sacred act of marriage and to dehumanize a sad majority of the population.

Rob Bell describes humans as being somewhere between animals and angels. Animals, which live by urges alone, and angels, which do not have physical urges because of their lack of a body.

"When we deny the spiritual dimension to our existence, we end up living like animals. And when we deny the physical, sexual dimension to our existence, we end up living like angels.

And both ways are destructive, because God made us human" (Bell 58).

"We have to talk about everything we're experiencing. Repressing and stuffing and refusing to acknowledge never works. Whether it's a friend or a group of peers or a priest or a pastor or a counselor, we have to get it out...You are not alone. Whatever you struggle with, whatever you have questions about, you are not alone. It doesn't matter how dark it is or how much shame or weakness or regret it involves, you are not alone.

Some say the struggle is about eros, which is where we get the word erotic. Others call it testosterone and blame it on hormones. The Greeks called it the madness of the gods. The truth is, we're crammed full of sexual energy. It's how we're made. We have cravings and desires and urges and temptations that can easily consume us and make us feel helpless in their presence. We have to talk about what we do with the forces that rage within us. We have to get it out of we will begin to die on the inside.

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are "me too." That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else's struggle, that you're not alone, and that others have been down the same road" (Bell 62).

Unfortunately, the church universal hasn't always been ready to talk about sexual matters. That is not to say that the Bible doesn't cover it. But as we read, and learn, and grow, individuals become more open and willing to talk about the realities of life. The term of the moment is "transparency." I try to live my life in a transparent way, so that all of my flaws are laid bare for all to see. In this way, I pray that my failings can help someone else to learn to follow God better.

As a final thought:

"The Church has always consecrated the union of man and woman in matrimony, and taught that marriage is a divine ordinance, and it is not unfitting that a book which expresses the spiritual and physical emotions on which matrimony rests should be given a place in the Canon of Scripture" (Commentary 126).

Put a little love in your heart

2007-08-27T14:02:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Song of Songs 1-2 and the Interpreter's Bible Commentary: "I. The Language of Love."

Regarding the language of love that is used within the Song of Songs, although much of the language is unique to this book, the idea conveyed by both the words and the style of writing can be found throughout the Bible. The agape love revealed in the New Testament and the ahebh love of the Old Testament are condensed into the writing of this book. As the young lovers address and describe each other, we see that they look past their partners failings, loving them with a boundless love. Yet, while experiencing this "spontaneous, creative love," the young couple each feels insecure and unworthy of accepting the other's feelings.

"The language of love, however, is infinitely more than words and phrases. Love expresses itself not so much in what it says as in what it is and does. This is clearly implied in the Song of Songs by the uniquely personal character of the book. It is the only book in the Bible composed completely of direct personal address. And although the lovers speak of their love in exquisite language, what they say to each other is that love is personal togetherness."

As we apply this way of love to our own relationships, we begin to realize our own shortcomings. While often being marginally successful at maintaining togetherness in spousal relations, we often fail miserably in making it a priority in familial relationships and especially so in relationships with those that we gain nothing in response. Consider: when was the last time that you shared life with someone you don't get along with?

As Christians, we put on the face, make the small talk, and suffer our way through unconfortable moments, when we should be striving to make the uncomfortable moments comfortable, to genuinely care about people who we disagree with, and going out of our way to learn about the experiences of strangers with a desire to grow to care about their well-being. Yet, we remain stern and keep a "safe" distance from the hearts of those around us.

The capacity for love that God gave us is not to be reserved for our favorites, but should be given to the least of these. We are all undeserving, and that is what makes us so deserving. But in following Christ, we need to reach out beyond ourselves to love (agape) - not just the ones we feel like loving. That is love based on who the person is and what they do. In striving to love like God, we need to love based on who we are, not on who we are trying to love.

Song Study

2007-08-23T13:28:00.001-04:00

by Ben

I am beginning to read The Song of Songs (from the Interpreter's Bible).

I realized that trying to bring light to such a complex work as The Song of Songs would require some heavy exegesis, so I pulled out my set of the Interpreter's Bible. I've spent the last 25 minutes just reading the beginnings of the introduction to the book, which discusses the complexity of the text, as it comes in poetic form, and can be interpreted as an allegory, a two-person drama, a three-character drama, a wedding cycle, a secular love song, and as a part of liturgy.

If we attempt to look at the book through only one of these lenses, we miss so much of what this song of all songs has to offer. It is by viewing the text as a whole, in all its varied parts, that gives us a picture of God in his relation to us, of a God ordained marriage relationship, of man's connection to the natural world around him, of man's morality and interaction with the world around him (and pretty much any other "man vs. x" combination you can think of).

I look forward to diving into this book and the exegetical reading that goes with.

Baptism

2007-08-23T09:53:00.000-04:00

One thing that rather surprised me when I moved to Charlotte is that there really is a book called Being Presbyterian in the Bible Belt. I had the chance to read most of it and liked it well enough, but my favorite part is there recommendation on how to answer the question, "So when were you saved?": "Oh, about two thousand years ago in Jerusalem."

It's a funny distinction, but I believe it really does exist. The omnipresent Baptists down here place a lot of importance in their decision for Christ and continually being saved. And I think that's great! But I also think that it misses out on a few things. While us engaging ourselves in a relationship with Christ is very, very important, it's nowhere near as important as God engaging us through Christ.

Paul makes this point very well in Romans 10. "Say the welcoming word to God--'Jesus is my Master'--embracing, body and soul, God's work of doing in us what he did in raising Jesus from the dead. That's it. You're not "doing" anything; you're simply calling out to God, trusting him to do it for you."

That's what I love about the Presbyterian view of baptism. It isn't us choosing to be God's, it's a symbol of dying to who we think we are and living again as who we really are: God's called and chosen children. We weren't some other person before baptism and we aren't a fundamentally changed person after baptism just as we're not not God's child before and we suddenly become God's child after. Baptism is just us saying sending in our RSVP card to the invitation that God has already sent (I bet you can't guess what part of wedding planning I'm currently embroiled in). And I love that. I don't know why, but I love that interpretation of baptism.

I love using Harry Potter to illustrate this view of baptism. Prior to Hagrid knocking down the door on the house on the sea, Harry was a wizard. He might not have known that, but he had the blood for it and had even shown a curious predilection towards the unexplained. Harry's "baptism" isn't being given a wand and an invitation to attend Hogwarts, it's Hagrid explaining to Harry who he really and already is. What a grand idea! I wish it was mine :)

I think there is also something comforting in knowing that I have less responsibility in my relationship with God, that I'm not the primary mover here. God's doing the wedding, I just have to show up and enjoy the festivities. This doesn't discount my commitment to what God's doing, it just fleshes out the responsibilities here and points out that he's God and I am not. Which, and I think Paul agrees with me here, is how it should be.

Post Script: I attended a Bible study recently talking about using hellfire and damnation as a means of evangelism. The point was made by a leader that Christ often went to this tactic and thus we should probably too. However, the more I thought about it, it seems that when Christ is using hell and scary stuff it's to talk about people who aren't loving and taking care of other people. This could be pretty radical stuff so I want to start pursuing a study of Christ's use of hell imagery and when he used it after I finish with Romans. I'm just putting it here so that when I do finally finish Romans I'll hopefully remember where to go next. Or, Ben, you can remind me :)

A word on Ecclesiastes

2007-08-21T09:17:00.000-04:00

by Ben

After reading Ecclesiastes and quoting from it a few times here on the dLog, I wanted to say a few words about exegesis. In writing my last few dLog posts, I was trying to be very careful as to capture the author's intent of each passage, while only quoting pieces of each. This book was challenging in that Qohelet often goes back and forth between his thoughts on a certain issue.

For example, in 8:1 he states that "There's nothing better than being wise," while in 8:16-17 he displays the futility of seeking wisdom. He does this several times on many different issues (wisdom, money, work, enjoying life, etc.) I think his back and forth statements on these could be interpreted in two ways:

1) As this is being written, he is trying to make up his own mind about each issue and is working through the thought process.

2) He is trying to suggest that which he sums up in 11:9 - make the most of your life, but realize that you will have to answer to God in the long run.

As I write this, I realize that the unquestionable answer to this must be the second idea as revealed in Qohelet's final words:

"Fear God.
Do what he tells you.

And that's it. Eventually God will bring everything that we do out into the open and judge it according to its hidden intent, whether it's good or evil." (Ecc. 12:13-14)

For the road ahead

2007-08-21T08:55:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Ecclesiastes 6-12.

Some quotes for your journey:

"Seize life! Eat bread with gusto,
Drink wine with a robust heart.
Oh yes - God takes pleasure in your pleasure!
Dress festively every morning.
Don't skimp on colors and scarves.
Relish life with the spouse you love
Each and every day of your precarious life.
Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange
For the hard work of staying alive.
Make the most of each one!
Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily!
THis is your last and only chance at it,
For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think
In the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed." (Ecclesiastes 9:7-10)

and

"You who are young, make the most of your youth.
Relish your youthful vigor.
Follow the impulses of your heart.
If something looks good to you, pursue it.
But know also that not just anything goes;
You have to answer to God for every last bit of it." (Ecclesiastes 11:9)

Seasons and gifts

2007-08-20T14:59:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I'm back from vacationing in Maine (visiting my father and step-mother). It was a great time of relaxation and recentering. However, now I'm back to work and ready to get this fall kicked-off right.

I read Ecclesiastes 3-5.

Chapter 3 contains the very familiar "Time for everything" passage. And, although this passage is almost cliche, it was part of what I needed to hear today. Upon returning from vacation, I've felt foggy about work. I get things done, but don't have clear vision for the road ahead. No plan of attack. Sure, I've got an outline of the activities that I will do for the next year, but I am starting to see the cyclical nature of what I do.

I was listening to the PDYM podcast today, and Doug and the gang were talking about burnout and tried to define it. Is it a season that sometimes haunts each of us or is burnout the official end of your time in a ministry? They decided that it was the beginning of the end. While I feel this is true, there are still moments when you get sluggish. Whether you work in ministry, education, or real estate, there are seasons of your work-life that drag you down.

I think that the fog that I am feeling is a brief period of this. I still feel that I am a positive force for God's kingdom within the youth and camp ministries. I still feel connected to God. I even have energy in the service of the small tasks of the job. I just feel lethargic.

This feeling could possibly be related to some relational issues going on with my work right now. I feel hesitant about my decisions because of this situation.

However, Chapter 5 in today's reading gives me hope:

"After looking at the way things are on this earth, here's what I've decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that's about it. That's the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what's given and delighting in the work. It's God's gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It's useless to brood over how long we might live." (Ecc. 5:18-20)

Getting cleaned up

2007-08-09T09:59:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Ecclesiastes 1-2.

Wow...what a cool book! It follows along the ideas of wisdom that are in the Proverbs, but feels more like the musings of a philosophy professor. Here is some of what Eugene Peterson has to say about Ecclesiastes:

"It is our propensity to go off on our own, trying to be human by our own devices and desires, that makes Ecclesiastes necessary reading. Ecclesiastes sweeps our souls clean of all "lifestyle" spiritualities so that we can be ready for God's visitation revealed in Jesus Christ. Ecclesiastes is a John-the-Baptist kind of book. It functions not as a meal but as a bath. It is not nourishment; it is cleansing. It is repentance. It is purging. We read Ecclesiastes to get scrubbed clean from illusion and sentiment, from ideas that are idolatrous and feelings that cloy. It is an expose and rejection of every arrogant and ignorant expectation that we can live our lives by ourselves on our own terms.
Ecclesiastes challenges the naive optimism that sets a goal that appeals to us and then goes after it with gusto, expecting the result to be a good life. The author's cool skepticism, a refreshing negation to the lush and seductive suggestions swirling around us, promising everything but delivering nothing, clears the air. And once the air is cleared, we are ready for reality - for God."

We should read this book every day!

Prayer Walking

2007-08-06T10:43:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 28-31.

Instead of writing today, I'm going to take a prayer walk.

My Flock

2007-08-01T07:17:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 25-27.

There are many wise sayings in this section, but the last one is what struck me the most:

"Know your sheep by name; carefully attend your flocks; (Don't take them for granted; possessions don't last forever, you know.) And then, when the crops are in and the harvest is stored in the barns, You can knit sweaters from the lambs' wool, and sell your goats for a profit; There will be plenty of milk and meet to last your family through the winter." (Proverbs 27:23-27)

I realize that as I've been getting ready for this fall's youth ministry program that I've been working so hard on the program part of it that I really haven't tended my flock. I haven't contacted 85% of the kids. I want to see them, to hear about their lives, and to reassure them that I am available to them. As of yet, my program will do this, but it hasn't done it yet. I'm going to call some kids today - just to chat.

What is so cool about Scripture...

2007-07-31T09:07:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 23-24.

Sometimes when reading Scripture a verse will just hit me weird, and so I try to find out more about it. The verse today was Proverbs 24:24-25.

"Whoever whitewashes the wicked gets a black mark in the history books, But whoever exposes the wicked will be thanked and rewarded." (The Message)

At first, this hits me as "Wait, isn't that what God is doing?" And aren't we frequently told in the Bible to forgive? (As early as Genesis, and certainly through the Israelites desert trek)

Wait. To be fair, I should look at another version. Ooh, I'll pull out my copy of The Interpreter's Bible.

"He that saith unto the wicked, Thou art righteous; him shall the people curse, nations shall abhor him: But to them that rebuke him shall be delight, and a good blessing shall come upon them." (KJV)

And to give you what our commentators said, "Wicked and righteous are forensic terms. Better, "guilty" and innocent."

So it would read, "He that saith unto the guilty, Thou art innocent; him shall the people curse, nations shall abhor him: But to them that rebuke him shall be delight, and a good blessing shall come upon them." (KJV)

Okay, to be clear, we should look at the meaning of "rebuke." Dictionary.com suggests that as a verb, rebuke means "to express sharp, stern disapproval of; reprove; reprimand."

Why, in this book about love and forgiveness, is this line regarding justice present? The verse leading up to it gives us some clues:

"It's wrong, very wrong, to go along with injustice." (Proverbs 24:23)

So, if we bring justice into the picture, we as mere men and women can comprehend what Solomon is suggesting. However, we, as followers of Christ, begin to get a little more confused. What is justice? God is certainly working with a sense of justice, in that He required for there to be an ultimate death to cover the sins of all humanity.

I think this is where my logic runs out. How can that be just? That an innocent man - God incarnate, should take the punishment for all of the sins of every murderer, rapist, liar, thief, and every other person who has turned their back on God, including me - it doesn't seem like justice.

I think Solomon would have understood this feeling, but would still have seen Christ's sacrifice as appeasing the wrong, which is part of what justice represents. If God had merely forgiven sins without the punishment and death of Christ, it would have been injustice and against God's way of being.

So, I somewhat understand this Proverb, but it also leaves me very confused. And that is what is so cool about Scripture: it gives you some answers, but leaves you with many questions to seek the answers to.

Humility and Glory

2007-07-30T06:11:00.000-04:00

compiled by Ben

I read Proverbs 16-22.

"Fear-of-God is a school in skilled living -
first you learn humility, then you experience glory." (Proverbs 15:33)

"How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word [...]
I have hidden your word in my heart that
I might not sin against you." (Psalm 119: 9, 11)

"Mercy to the needy is a loan to God,
and God pays back those loans in full." (Proverbs 19:7)

"The wicked get buried alive by their loot
because they refuse to use it to help others." (Proverbs 21:7)

"Generous hands are blessed hands
because they give bread to the poor." (Proverbs 22:9)

"Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach;
good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest." (Proverbs 18:20)

"Do your best, prepare for the worst -
then trust God to bring the victory." (Proverbs 21:31)

Needs and Wants

2007-07-27T10:40:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 11-15.

Yes, I am back from camp and glad to be getting ready to start the fall youth events. Our summer went well at Wakonda. I suppose that I should catch you up since my last full post: God proved to be faithful. He blessed us with two lifeguards, and a full male and female counseling staff. Glory be to God. You may remember that I had worried quite a lot about that just a few months ago. Sorry Father for my lack of faith.

As for the actual summer: it went well. The kids seemed to enjoy themselves and hopefully learned something about God and prayer. We had a few minor snags over the course of the summer, but overall I think it was a successful summer. God continues to bless and teach me through the events of my life.

Now, as I set my sights on the Youth Group and our program for the next year, I return to my regular schedule of devotions. That is to say that while at camp, I connected to God, but not through the same disciplined approach that I take here on the dLog. In reading Matt's posts and making my way through Proverbs, I have been forced to think a lot about needs and wants.

I find it interesting that this topic has come up so strongly on the dLog, as I've been thinking about it a lot in relation to my ministry goals. I really want Camp Wakonda to become a successful year-round camp and conference site that serves to minister to the poor in spirit and those who don't know Christ. I really want our multi-church youth ministry to grow in both spiritual depth and numbers, helping kids to connect to Christ, but also serve as a model for other cluster groups, youth and adult, to follow. That's what I want. What do these ministries actually need to accomplish? I don't know. The reality is that if God felt it would serve His kingdom better, these two ministries could disappear. I'm happy to say that this hasn't happened yet.

I am very much looking forward to this next year in ministry for several reasons. One of which is that Camp Wakonda is finally going to take a serious look at itself to review what works, what doesn't, and what could be tweaked to be more efficient. This process will serve to improve the Wakonda ministry and ultimately strengthen all of the ministries of the church. Also, as previously mentioned regarding the Youth Ministry, we will be attempting a multi-church program. This program will be purpose-driven and address issues at age-appropriate levels. It will allow youth to go as deep spiritually as they choose.

I believe that the excitement that I feel in connection to these two ministries is directly from God. I feel reinvigorated about my work with the kids and at camp, as though I'd gone on vacation. But I haven't gone anywhere. I've just been encouraged by the work that I see God doing around me. The one thing that I have to do is keep giving God the glory and realize that He cares more about what happens to the kids and campers than I do. I have to put His needs above my wants.

Bread on the Table, Shoes on Our Feet

2007-07-26T14:38:00.000-04:00

“You know, these are yuppie words, happiness and unhappiness. It's not happiness or unhappiness, it's either blessed or unblessed.”

-Bob Dylan

Suppose for a minute that you are hungry and sitting down at a table. While you’re sitting there, a particularly perceptive friend discerns that you’re hungry and sets before you a plate with two pieces of bread, a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, and two knives. How many of us would be crazy enough to then pray to God for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Hopefully no one. Obviously obtaining a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at that point is as hard as putting the two knives to work. We have the resources we need, we just might need to put in a little effort to enjoy the sandwich.

On a recent mission trip to Jamaica I started to feel that a prayer for happiness makes about as much sense as the prayer for the PB&J. We’ve all done it, myself included. Just slipped a plea for ourselves or folks we know to be “happy.” It seems innocent enough, and even a good idea at times. But I can’t help but feel that happiness isn’t God’s responsibility, it’s ours. And if it comes down to us asking for happiness, that’s a sure sign of our ignorance, ingratitude, and laziness. That sounds a bit harsh, I know, but consider things from the point of view of our friend who essentially put a sandwich in front of us and then overhears our prayer. “It’s right there in front of you,” they would exclaim, “you have what you need, just put it together!”

When I first went to Jamaica in 2004, I knew I’d return and there was really one thing that was calling me back: the people.

Jamaica

is famous for the “No problem, mon!” attitude, and that’s there, but they always appear to be the happiest people I have ever met. Walk or drive down a road and you’ll be greeted by honks and waves from everyone you pass; work on their new house and, even though they have very little, coconuts, sugarcane and lots of other unidentified fruit will be offered to you as a simple and sincere thank you; show the kids the slightest bit of attention and you have fast friends for life.

When I first arrived it occurred to me that maybe these people may not be aware that they’re poor. They live in a third world country without air conditioning, running water, or cars. Their wardrobes are second-hand. They aren’t on Facebook and have never even used a computer. What reasons could they possibly have for being happy? Later the question evolved as I looked inward: how do I have all of these things and still finding myself needing to ask for happiness? Then on this year’s trip I realized how flawed that question is. If I’m asking that, it becomes apparent that my happiness is based on how much stuff I have. The real question I need to ask is: “Why is happiness more important to me than contentment?”

Contentment is not a word we hear often enough, despite the fact that it’s the secret to happiness. It’s my opinion that the people we met in Jamaica appear so happy because they have found contentment. Contrast that with so many of us in America: our greatest obstacle is that we have so much extra money and so many unnecessary things to spend it on. I think that our outlook would start to align with the Jamaicans if our income wasn’t spent on comfort and amusement but rather on making it through another day.

While happiness and contentment seem almost interchangeable, there are some very important differences. This becomes apparent in what is perhaps the best definition of contentment:

A devout life does bring wealth, but it’s the rich simplicity of being yourself before God. Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that’s enough. (1 Timothy, 6:6-8, The Message)

“That’s enough” might be one of the most challenging phrases in the Bible. We want more than just ordinary, more than we need, the best and the most rare. But there’s Paul, calling out a message that says that the essentials are more than enough.

One of the most uncomfortable aspects of both trips to Jamaica for me has been the five star meal we have enjoyed after finishing our projects. The food is delicious and the view over the ocean at sunset is spectacular, but it’s all colored by the fact that the cost of the meal I’m eating might feed a Jamaican family for a day or more. Who are we to be eating so richly while no more than a few minutes away others are lacking basic nutrition or, even worse, starving?

While that’s a reality, I also don’t feel called to live in a cave wearing sackcloth and rubbing ashes in my hair. God has put us in specific places for reasons that he alone knows. I don’t know why I live in freedom and enjoy so much when there are others who live in great poverty and danger. But I do know that turning up my nose at a good meal, a sunset, or any other number of God’s good creations is simply being ungrateful. It’s my belief that this contentment I’m pursuing is contingent upon gratitude, whether I have a little or a lot. And if I have it better than some folks than the best thing I can do is show God my gratitude by doing what I can to respond to the Gospels’ call to love God and love others.

Contentment isn’t about trying to turn lemons into lemonade, it’s about realizing the differences between needs and wants. Contentment isn’t an opiate for the poor or condemnation of the rich, it’s about being set free so that we can serve God and others without being tied to things. Contentment isn’t about denial for the sake of denial, it’s about recognizing the blessings around you and living a grateful life. Contentment is being honest and aware, realizing that God has given us far more than we could possibly ever need. For some that’s filet mignon, for some a sandwich.

Interlude: Financial Peace University

2007-06-07T09:36:00.000-04:00

By Matt

Last Tuesday Lisa and I started attending a 13 week seminar series held at her church entitled "Financial Peace University." It's a curriculum designed by a guy named Dave Ramsey who had a 3 hour daily radio show that talks about how Christians can use their money (the tagline of the site is "Beat debt, build wealth." The first class was definitely interesting but there were some things that left a bad taste in my mouth and I decided that I'm going to work through them here this morning since good things usually happen when I take the time to think things through while writing.

I think that the main thing that bothers me about the session is the use of Proverbs 21:20: "In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has." Ramsey uses this verse to justify the fact that if you have any smarts at all, you can accumulate stores of money. While he stops well short of saying that if you are a good Christian and ask for the right things in prayer you will be blessed, there is something in using this verse that seems to me bordering dangerously on Prosperity Gospel. I think that's because the implication of this verse is that the wise are going to have a lot of stuff. Now I can promise you that there are a lot of very, very foolish people with a lot of stuff and that there are plenty of wise people in camps in Darfur who have nothing at all. Or perhaps we're not to take this verse literally: wise men are good stewards of what they have and foolish men spend without regard. That I can take, but that's not the interpretation that Ramsey seems to be putting forth. And that just might be my own opinion of what he's saying, I'll admit that. However, that bothers me regardless of whether I'm interpreting it right because that's the same argument that stands against the Prosperity Gospel. And I hate the PG.

Next is Ramsey's first piece of advice on saving money. The first thing to do is squirrel away $1000 in a hard to get to account for an emergency fund. After you do that, the next piece of advice is to put away 3-6 months work of expenses in another account that, again, you only go to in case of emergency. Not a bad idea either! And then after that you start investing wisely, spending shrewdly, and racking up huge amounts of money. And this seems like a good idea, right? Who doesn't want to have money? Exactly. But one of the ideas that Ramsey puts forth is that when you've accomplished this, you don't have to worry about things. Your car breaks, you fix it 'cause you have the money, easy as that. You get laid off, take your time looking for a job because you have money for six months to cover your expenses. No problem! While all of this sounds like a good idea, I'd like to point to a quote from C. S. Lewis that I find very insightful:

One of the great dangers of having a lot of money is that you may be quite satisfied with the kinds of happiness that money can give and so fail to realize your need for God. If everything seems to come simply by signing checks, you may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God.

That kind of hits the nail on the head, right? I think that there is a valid and good argument for having enough money to provide for your family and take care of emergencies, but I also see Ramsey not expressing a need for God to sustain him through trials, 'cause he can just write a check!

I think that statement gets at Jesus' observation that it is harder for a rich man to get into heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. Not the Eye of the Needle, a fabled gate in the wall around Jersualem that most people don't seem to think exist anymore. I had been for a long time excited by the loophope (ba-dum chh!) in that verse that says that the gate is passable by a camel, just that it's difficult. Well, according to everything I've read lately, that gate doesn't exist so that is a literal needle hole which, if I'm not mistaken, is completely impassable by a camel. Yikes.

Will Mr. Ramsey address any of this stuff? I don't know. And I still have a few more things to consider as well. But I'll save those for another day, hopefully tomorrow :)

Prayers

2007-06-04T09:51:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 10.

I need your prayers. My work is putting a lot of pressure on me. Please pray for God's guidance and reassurance during this time. Thank you!

Not an Easy Answer

2007-05-31T09:56:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read Romans 9

Back many months ago when I started reading Romans my stated goal was to wrestle with the interpretations of, "I am the way and the truth and the life; no one comes to the father except through me." However, I realized I got a little ways away from that in normal afocused dLogging, not a bad thing but I've spent so much time on Romans that I basically just forgot (it is supposed to be only 9 days after all, and it clearly has been much longer). But somehow I remembered the wrestling thing and, well, it's a good thing I did because Paul gives some pretty decisive answers to the whole issue in this chapter:

Who in the world do you think you are to second-guess God? Do you for one moment suppose any of us knows enough to call God into question? Clay doesn't talk back to the fingers that mold it saying, "Why did you shape me like this?" Isn't it obvious that a potter has a perfect right to shape one lump of clay into a vase for holding flowers and another into a pot for cooking beans? If God needs one style of pottery for especially designed to show his angry displeasure and another style carefully crafted to show his glorious goodness, isn't that all right?

Well, Paul, seriously, could you be a little less implicit and ambiguous? ;) Seriously though, he's right (duh), but it's definitely not an easy answer to swallow. I'm not a person who has a tough time following authority, nor do I think that I unduly question authority all that much. But when I don't understand something I feel like I need answers. I will do what I'm told if I feel like I've been given a good enough reason, but I really chafe when I'm expected to do something that doesn't make sense to me or that I don't want to do and there's no explanation given. I'd say that 90% of the arguments I would get into with my parents stem from this one reason.

However, this is Paul saying, "Get over it." Yet, I don't think this makes the question of accepting Jesus here on earth open-and-shut case either. I mean, there's still the possibility of accepting Jesus after you're dead I suppose. What it does do is nix the argument that if God is a God of love, then he wouldn't damn anyone. I still have a hard time with it but it's just from my limited perspective I suppose. On the other hand, I don't see how anyone could read this chapter and not be a predestinationist. Thank God I'm a Presbyterian ;)

Nothing

2007-05-29T10:42:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 8

I thought I knew what I was going to write about until I got to the last paragraph of this chapter:

Nothing fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing--nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable--absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Roger Nishioka talked a lot about these verses and how important it is for us to constantly remind our students about the truth behind these words. Not making the varsity team nor SAT's nor having a hot girlfriend nor driving a fast car nor beating Call of Duty 3 on veteran nor having a great prom dress nor dating the quarterback nor getting into college nor running a 5 minute mile nor anything on earth, in space, under the ground, or in the heavens is going to keep us from the love that God has for us. And I wholeheartedly agree, that's such an important message for them to hear, maybe the second most important one we could ever tell our students, and they need to hear it a lot. Constantly.

But it's easy to get caught up in what they need to hear so I'm going to change gears for a second: having 1 kid or 100 kids in youth group; landing in a called meeting of the Session for something you/your kids did; trudging through the wasteland of lust that never seems very far off; struggling to be the person your kids think you are; failing at the juggling act that is balancing our professional lives with our relationships and our responsibilities; not reading your Bible or writing about it on the dLog; eating out for the fifteenth time this week (and it's only Tuesday); not taking Sabbath time; forgetting to return that call or email; going over budget for the year; forgetting to lock the doors on your way out of the building; and any of the other thousand things that do their best to distract, disam, defang, and dilute what we do. None of them mean a thing because of the simple fact that Jesus loves us.

2007-05-28T10:27:00.000-04:00

Read Psalm 116-118

be at rest, once more, o my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.

Down on the Corner

2007-05-22T08:34:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 7-9.

Lady Wisdom sounds an awful lot like Jesus in chapter eight. "Long before God stretched out Earth's Horizons, and tended to the minute details of Soil and Weather, and set Sky firmly in place, I was there" (v. 22-28?). This wisdom is represented in the Law and is demonstrated through the life of Christ. Yet, we continually miss the point. We follow Madame Whore instead of listening to Lady Wisdom. Very likely, we even know what we ought to do. Why do we lose sight of God or more directly, why do we turn our back on God? Do we doubt His power and ability?

I know that I have been worrying a lot recently. Worry. Matthew 6 tells us all the reasons why we shouldn't worry. Yesterday, as I thought about the upcoming summer at Wakonda, I worried about my lack of staff (actually, this has been a continual worry for me). Despite my best efforts, we are still very short on lifeguards and male counselors. Of course, thinking and worrying about this gets my thinking into a snowball effect pattern. If this doesn't happen, this will happen, and that will happen. And pretty soon, I've got an ulcer.

Yesterday, I even sat down and read as many verses about worry as I could find. Yet, here I am, still worried about it. Not following Lady Wisdom. I have not felt able to trust God with this aspect of my life, no matter how much I want to give it up to Him. I want to "walk up the street to a life with meaning."

law lover

2007-05-17T10:42:00.000-04:00

so appropriate that I read Psalm 119 right after reading Matt's post. 119 is that Psalm you dread because it lasts forever. i was cruising through Psalms, knocking four or five in a day and then there it was. a bit overwhelming at first glance. but i started reading it this mornning and wow. 176 verses all declaring the writer's love for the law. adoration of the law. complete submission to the law. he delights in it, revels in it, rejoices in it. it is not a burden or task. it's joy and life and completeness. he echoes Matt's thoughts (or Matt echoes his thoughts...i think the Psalmist recorded his first) that the law is something to be excited about, to see value in. this is not because rules are regulations are, in and of themselves, thrilling. it's because of who has laid out these statutes...our Creator, our Designer, our Savior. he who knows us better even than we know ourselves directs us in ways that end up with us living life to the full.

"What A Piece of Junk!"

2007-05-17T09:54:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 6-7

You can count yourself among the true legion of fanboys (or fangirls) if you read the title of this post and know exactly what I'm alluding to. Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, R2-D2, and C-3P0 stride, trundle, and hobble into docking bay 94 to catch their first glimpse of The Millenium Falcon. For those of us who don't see spaceships, Luke's exclamation of, "What a piece of junk!" falls on astounded ears. That thing is incredible! I want one. And a crew, too. Luke, though, has seen and drooled over his fair share of ships and the Falcon just isn't doing it for him. However, fast forward a few years after that same piece of junk has helped destroy two Death Stars and has saved the skins of his friends several times.

However I have to go back to Han's reaction. He knows his ship "might not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid." Han doesn't care what anyone thinks of his ship, he's the one who has put the work into it and knows what it's capable of (.5 past light speed, if you were wondering). There's a love in his face and voice for that ship that not many can know or share (Capt. Malcolm Reynolds being one of them).

So, why the love letter to Star Wars and what does it have to do with Romans 7?
In a way that only a youth leader love, I'll make the connection. The Law. How do we see it? A list of rights and wrongs that hem us in and ruin all our fun. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the signs? In other words, a piece of junk. As much as our good intentions would like to keep the Law, sin has a way of perverting the whole thing. Or, as Paul says, "What happened, though, was that sin found a way to pervert the command into a temptation, making a piece of 'forbidden fruit' out of it." But, like Han, God knows what the Law is truly capable of and probably doesn't like people rippin' on his baby.

I think, though, that God and Han can acknowledge that their baby isn't perfect. And then God did something about it. He knows that we are going to sin no matter what and need a better plan, something faster, sleeker, more maneuverable (err?). Thus, grace. And that's a good thing. Even the best of us is capable of the most amazingly stupid and horrible thing. I love how Paul comes clean at the end of 7. He doesn't hold it back, he is so completely transparent with the fact that he struggles, he sins, and feels so dumb about it because he knows better. But he keeps on doing it. And the only thing saving any of us is that God knows, forgives, and forgives again because he loves us too much not to.

There may not be "some mystical energy force controlling my destiny," but thank God there's grace to set my destiny aright.

Minutes to Midnight

2007-05-15T12:17:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I'm taking another little interlude here to talk about something that has been on my mind this morning. Today is the day that Linkin Park's new album, Minutes to Midnight, comes out and I've been pretty excited to get it since I heard their new single, "What I've Done." I may not seem to be the typical LP fan, but I really dig their music and think there is something much deeper going on beneath the surface of their lyrics. Which I will explain now.

Hybrid Theory, their first album, is a very angry album. "One Step Closer" is probably the most famous and just full of a fun rage that's perfect accompaniment for squealing tires and football locker rooms. Through HT there's a frustration with futility, futility in the singers and in others. Frustration becomes manifest as anger several times, but I think there is a rarely glimpsed sight of hope at some points. I don't think that there are any specific lyrical reference I could give here, but I just kinda feel that in the music.

Then comes Meteora. Meteora's liner notes give very detailed impressions on how the songs were created and why and how they changed. On the CD itself there is a video on the making of the album which corresponded with the band collaborating with a grafitti artist to make a giant mural that would abstractly explore the imagined themes of the new album. The theme of Meteora, in light of all that, is "the making of," going behind the craft and looking at the reasons and why's and wherefors. And I think that carries through to the lyrics. While HT was more piss and vinegar, most of Meteora is much more articulate and looking into why they are frustrated and angry.

And just looking at the titles of some of the songs can give it away: "Numb," "Easier to Run," and evidently they're looking for "Somewhere I Belong." I don't think it's any coincedence that the video for the latter song takes place in a church. So, looking through that lens I think that LP's music expresses frustration with people who have hurt them and their inability to forgive or receive forgiveness; frustration with God because they feel ignored or hurt; frustration with Christians and the Church for being hypocritical and conforming. Whatever it is, it didn't find the mainstream appeal with fans of HT, and I don't want to say this condescendingly, but it's probably because it wasn't the simplistic screaming of the first album.

So, that's what brings me to Minutes to Midnight. What is the direction of this album going to be? Will it continue the progression made with Meteora or regress back into an easier to swallow package which adolescent boys will identify with more? Well, if the first single is any indication, it's progressing.

"What I've Done" is that single and the video is definitely worth taking a look at (http://youtube.com/watch?v=8sgycukafqQ). I think you can see right off the bat that their frustration is taking a different turn, a bit more global and responsible and, well, mature. I think it is also interesting that some of the lyrics sound as if they could come out of a praise chorus:

In this farewell
There is no blood
There is no alibi
Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
So let mercy come
And wash away

What I’ve done
I’ll face myself
To cross out
What I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of
What I’ve done

Reading the lyrics for some other songs it seems that they're definitely becoming more political than spiritual though. Not exactly what I was expecting and in some ways is disappointing. I tend to be distrustful of anyone singing their politics and at this point, it seems more like a "popular" thing to do than being genuine. Looking at the way they've changed from quasi-goth to nerdy to now indie rocker hip over the course of the three albums kind of cements that in my mind at least. However, that's just my bias so maybe I'm reading it wrong. But the thing that's interesting, on the 1/3 of the album I've listened to so far, their most seriously/political songs are also the most "playful" sounding. LP is a band that likes to take themselves pretty seriously, at least on the albums so hearing them having a little bit of fun on their new one is interesting, and it sounds pretty good too.

One of the other interesting things is that this is the first album to be released with a Parental Advisory sticker on it. While on some of their live and remix albums there has been naughty language, they have avoided being potty mouths up until now on studio ones. So, that's an interesting choice too. I agonized over buying the edited or PA version and ended up getting the PA (that's what Best Buy had). And here's how I rationalize that: it's what the artist intended. While I enjoy LP's music, I am buying this album mainly due to curiosity that I have explained above. And buying edited means not buying what they intended, thus the purchase that I'm okay with. However, in some ways I wish they had just skipped the f-bombs. Swearing a cuss isn't necessarily any more powerful than just finding the right words to say. So, in that way it's disappointing that they went the easy path, but I'm sure they had their reasons too.

LP are men who I believe have a lot of questions and frustration with "the bad business" they see here on earth (I've been reading Ecclesiastes out of The Message in the mornings). And I think a lot of those questions come out of their faith, or lack of it. However, they are questing for God, or something, and they are doing it in full view, in public. It's been interesting for me to watch and I realize now that my prayers should be with them as they try to make sense of the smoke and spitting into the wind that they are living through. That someone will come up alongside them as they wrestle with these questions and share with them the wisdom and guidance that they are looking for.

Quiet Time

2007-05-15T09:17:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 5-6.

I long for quiet time. I realized it this morning. I haven't taken quiet time in quite a long time. Always another meeting or project or somedays I'm just plain tired. Though, this morning, I felt as though it had to be done in secret; that if the custodian walked in on me sitting with my eyes closed, that I would be guilty of wasting work time. Where did this guilt come from? Two dlog posts in a row that I feel guilty (for wanting to spend time with God!). I think part of it is that I know other jobs wouldn't be able to consider prayer, meditation, and Bible reading as part of their work. But that's not the whole reason for the guilt. I actually feel as though it would be wrong for me to count those things as part of my work time. It is then that I think of Christ's example of frequently going off for personal prayer time. It also brings to mind the emergency instructions on an airplane: you put on your own mask, then you help the person next to you. I'm going to take some quiet time today.

baffling...

2007-05-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

Read: Psalm 120-124

"Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep...he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

God's faithfulness is baffling. Baffling because it's conditionless. Remember...his love endures forever. Even when our prayers are, like yesterday, that we need mercy and forgiveness and healing (for the millionth time). Baffling because it's eternal. Remember...his love endures forever. I need sleep and days off and vacation. But he never slumbers. He never rests from watching over me. From being with me, as a constant (and needed) reminder of his faithfulness.

exactly what i'm thinking...

2007-05-10T17:25:00.000-04:00

I read Psalm 125-131 today...and 130 are my thoughts exactly:

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

I you, O Lord, kept a record of sin,
O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness,
therefore you are feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.

My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than the watchmen wait for the morning.

O World (Israel), put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with hi mis full redemption.

He himself will redeem us (Israel) from all our sins.

Getting down to work

2007-05-10T11:56:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 4.

I'm continuing to read in the Message. I'm finding it powerfully appropriate to where I am right now (and it has cool words like "festoon").

I'd like to say that when I got to work today, I made some tea, sat down, had some quiet time and then read some Scripture. I'd like to say that my first thought as I turned on my computer was that I would be able to write on the dLog. I'd like to say that within the first two hours of my being in the church today, all I did was meditate on God.

I wish I could say those things, but I can't. In fact, here it is just about noon and I am just now beginning to think about my spiritual connection to my Creator. It hit me when I took a break from my work, after I'd checked my e-mail, handled phone messages and sifted through some pressing clutter. Today, I can say that I put God after looking at some facebook messages.

What's worse is that as I typed the paragraph of what I would like to say about my day, I felt that if I had spent my morning completely focused on God, that I would have been wasting "work" time. I thought about what people might say about my lack of efficiency and slothly tendencies.

I felt guilty for thinking about spending time with God.

When I did sit down to read today, the heading for the chapter that I read was "Your Life Is at Stake." It smacked me right in the face. Everything in my life has been pointing at this title. I need to get my spiritual life going before I focus on anything else. Now, comparing my current spiritual connection to that of four years ago, make me look like a modern day Moses, but commitment number five of a good ministry is to "avoid the comparison trap" (even comparisons to myself).

I may be doing some things right. Kate and I have been doing devotions, I have been pretty good about the dLog, I have even sent up an occasional prayer. But this does not mean that my spiritual connection to God has been awesome. I have much further to go. I imagine that some would be shocked to hear that a strong devotional life is not a great indicator of a strong spiritual life. I know that I've taught that line of thinking.

I think that my moderately strong devotional life has helped me to realize my spiritual inadequacies. I have been sinning. I should be clear here: I'm not talking about sin, as in actively going against God in the ways we normally think (i.e. getting drunk, adultery, murder, etc.). I'm focusing more on not being in genuine relationship to God. My prayer could be more authentic and, frankly, could happen more often. I can't remember the last time that I fasted.

And the real center of it all is that I am trying to be a strong teacher of disciples before I try to be a strong disciple myself. So, my prayer is that I learn to become a better disciple, to follow so close to Christ that I get dusty.

Citizens

2007-05-10T09:36:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 6-7

I really love how Paul talks about that wondorous transformation that occurs in between the time we are "under" the water and when we come up out of it. Baptism isn't about getting temporarily wet, it's about trading in our old citizenship in the Land of Sin and joining the Nation of Grace. It's about forgetting the language we spoke as sinners and waking up with a tongue well-versed in being forgiven. It's about leaving behind the tyrrany of a dictator of sin and receiving the rule of a benevolent monarch. It's really an amazing thing!

Sometimes I feel like I'm at a disadvantage having grown up in the church and knowing Christ pretty much my whole life. That's weird to say, but sometimes I really wish I had screwed up bad so that I would know grace all the more. But then I realize that there I need more than my share of grace just to make it through every day forgiven and the desire to have sewn my wild oats isn't so much of a big deal anymore. The big deal is that my memory of being a dead man walking is gone and I'm indeed a new creation, freed from sin by grace and love :)

A picture of paradise

2007-05-08T09:12:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 3.

Back from the honeymoon. Yes, it was amazing; I recommend Mexico to anybody asking. I won't spend too much time talking about how great it was, but I will say, that while there I imagined what a community could be.

While sitting by the pool on a beautiful sunny day, I reflected over the trip so far and focused in on thinking about all of the workers who made my stay at the Gran Bahia Principe happen. There were men and women who cooked the food, served the food, poured the drinks, waited tables, kept up the pool, planted the foliage, maintained the plants, clean out the ashtrays (and then stamped the fresh sand with the image of a sun), cleaned the sidewalks, cleaned the hotel rooms, checked people in and out, setup the tours, ran the tours, drove the trams or buses, monitored the lobbies, took care of the trash, built the buildings, maintained the facilities, oversaw many staff members, worked the phones, provided entertainment, worked in the shops, and so many more.

What are their lives like? Do they get to experience this all-inclusive vacation? I'll bet not. Time off to see their family - sure, and maybe a few pesos in their pocket, but a care-free lay around and relax kind of week? I doubt it.

Imagine if you would, that all of the people who were on vacation at the resort (some 4,500 [probably more] by my estimate) put in 3 hrs of work each day to help the place keep going. The place probably wouldn't be self-sufficient, but it would be a start on developing a real community. I guess I'm imagining something like I've heard Taize, France described. Where the visitors make the facility operate.

Now, take your imagined image one step farther: imagine that it is a religious community, trying to faithfully serve God. (I find it especially appealing to imagine that it is in Mexico, near the beach, but choose whatever location interests you.)

I think people would naturally want to be a part of something like that. Of course, that's kinda how I picture heaven.

Interlude: Chaplaincy

2007-05-07T12:05:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I started trying to read Romans 6 but realized there's something else on my mind that I need to get to writing about, as a preparation but also as my way of wrestling through things. If you've read the entry on boot polishing a few weeks ago, you know about my recent foray into WWII reenacting. Well, this coming weekend is a tactical reenactment and I've felt my excitement mounting as the faroff dates of May 10-11 loom ever closer on the calendar. And now it's this week, a few short days away! I'm pretty excited, especially since this time around I have my own uniform (that fits!), helmet, and some of my webgear in addition to my weapon and boots. So, it'll be a lot more fun for me in that regard, and also I know a bit more of what to expect.

The other thing that is exciting for me is that I've been asked to give a 5 minute service before the battle on Saturday. Guys in the unit know I'm a youth director and hinted at the last reenactment that I should take on a chaplain impression as well. I decided that sounds like fun and that I'd look into it after I get my primary impression as a rifleman down. I then began to realize that this might be a ministry, that I might be called to this unit for a purpose. A lot of the guys seem really cool (a few scare me) and I'm sure there are at least a few Christians in the group (at least one, who might also take on a chaplain impression and switch off with me). However, there are some definitely hurting and questioning veterans of Iraqi Freedom. So, not only is this a chance to lend some authenticity for our unit, it's a true chance to share the gospel with people who need to hear it.

However, I'm also kind of scared about my first foray this weekend. I'm a lot younger than most of the guys and, even though a younger chaplain right out of seminary is actually accurate, it's kind of intimidating for me to consider preaching at people older than me. Just doesn't happen often. Nor does preaching. I might yak on about stuff, but I don't consider it preaching. So, that's a little scary. Luckily I have sought out an Anglican priest who is also a chaplain in a WWII reenactment unit and maybe he can give me some advice/things to say.

But then there comes the great debate about Christianity and war, which is made all the more interesting since at least one Quaker will be reading this ;). I don't know if it's a "debate," but I can see the two sides which I like to think of as pacifists and those who see the credibility of just war. I think everyone knows the arguments on each side here, so I won't go into it, and I also think that it's pretty universally accepted that if there ever was a case for just war, WWII would be it. Personally I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I think. I guess I feel that war is terrible, awful, and the opposite of what God wants, but I can't also imagine that God wants Nazis executing his children by the millions across Europe. And I also can't imagine Hitler and his regime being talked down or cowed by economic sanctions. I guess my belief is that war is wrong, but sometimes wrong things have to be done to make things right.

But, nevertheless, even if WWII is justified, how did the chaplains do it? There's a scene in the movie Patton where Gen. Patton asks a chaplain to write a prayer for better weather so that his 3rd Army could reach the battered 101st Airborne who were heroically holding the important city of Bastogne but were completely surrounded on all sides by the German Army. A good cause, right? But the padre's response is interesting, along the lines of, "You want me to ask God to give us good weather so that we can go kill people?" As Joel's door likes to point out, when Jesus said to "love your enemies" he probably didn't mean kill them. So, how do you do that? How do you reconcile that conflict, a good end but a bad means? I really don't know. Guess I just need to find a chaplain and ask him (or read an autobiography).

I think that one thing I do know is that the chaplaincy is a mighty display of the Gospel. Men who parachute behind enemy lines, storm onto beaches, or push through in tanks into the greatest conflicts we have evern known armed with only what they picked up in Ephesians. Men tasked with emboldening boys to do something they didn't want to do but had to do, something that runs counter to what they believe. Men who lived out the corporal acts of mercy--being with the sick and injured, comforting the dying, burying the wounded--but did it with bullets flying and bombs exploding. It's a dynamic witness that is undeniable and I'm glad there were men around brave enough to do it for real.

Repetiousness

2007-05-07T11:09:00.000-04:00

Read: Psalm 132-136

Our culture doesn't like repetition. In order for something to be worth our time, our money, our attention, it has to be new, creative, different. To repeat something that's already been done...what's the point? I've been there, done that, bought the perverbial t-shirt. We revel in new experiences. Relevent has become a synonym for brand-new.

Psalm 136 takes all this and turns it on its head. God realizes that sometimes we need things pounded into our skulls before we can really grasp them. His love endures forever. His love endures forever. His love endures forever . 26 times in 26 verses. His love endures forever. In good times and bad. His love endures forever. In jubilee and sorrow. His love endures forever. In very imaginable circumstance and completely beyond my finite comprehension. His love endures forever.

I don't understand this God. I've squandered endless amounts of this love. I've rejected it and scorned it. I've mocked it and tried to turn away from it. Yet his love endures forever.

And he reminds me again, because I easily forget. Over and over. And over.

His love endures.

Forever.

to know and be known...

2007-05-05T14:34:00.000-04:00

Read: Psalm 137-139

we all have woven into us the desire to know and be known. not just to be popular or to accumulate a large number of acquaintences. but to have people with whom we can be transparent, recklessly honest. i find this desire to be often frustrating. opening yourself to people means opening yourself to hurt. in our fallen ways, we unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) fail those who have entrusted us with their deepest parts. but despite my fear of these sorts of friendships, i still feel continually drawn to seek them.

Psalm 139 reminds me why. it's because i have experienced (in fact, continually experience) being known by One deeper than anything i could replicate in this life. he formed me, he covers me, he protects me, he knows me. he sees beyond my pretenses and even my faulty sense of self. and despite my obvious shortcomings, he indwells me and empowers me to continue living. and so i desire to know and be known by others in ways reflective of this. not emulating, but imitating. not able to achieve the same level, but to climb together nonetheless.

justice for the poor

2007-05-04T18:06:00.000-04:00

Read Psalm 140-143

"for i know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy."

over the past few years i've become more and more interested in reaching out to those who have needs. addressing HIV/AIDS issues, working with the homeless, caring about war-torn nations. somewhere along the lines i picked up the term "social justice", a bit of a rising star among hipster 20 year olds these days. everyone's hopping on board.

in the last few months i've started to really ponder these words. what does social justice mean? at times i feel like it's become more about the social aspects and less about the justice pieces (ie let's all talk about this certain issue or join this facebook group, but we're not actually acting on any of this knowledge). but i digress. what i mean to say is that it's made me ask the question "what is justice?" growing up, i'd always understood justice as a negative thing. i mean, it was kinda good...after all God doled out justice. but justice meant bad stuff for me (like consequence for sin & whatnot). and that didn't sound like fun. so justice became like cough medicine...you better take it, but ugh...there's gotta be something better out there.

recently, though, as i've been working through what to do with/about justice, i have begun to understand it in a much more positive light. justice brings freedom. justice lifts the oppressed. if i'm afraid of justice, maybe it's because there's something out of line in my life. recently i've been revelling in justice. in dreaming about what it could be like to pursue freedom, God-driven life, hope restoration.

and now i see justice all over the place in the Bible. i missed it before. but now it's everywhere. God's care for the beaten down, for the broken, for those on their last leg. he's there. and that means i better be there, too. extending justice, not as a punishing act of judgement, but as a freeing act of life.

"Joel is . . . well, let's not talk about that."

2007-05-03T13:55:00.001-04:00

posted three times, nonetheless.

no hasty promises of recommitment. or attempts at feebles.

down to business.

yesterday i started reading the Psalms backward. just for something different. i read three then and three more just now, and have been slapped in the face with praise. it's all these psalms are about. the word "praise" shows up 47 times (yes, i counted) alone, not to mention a plethora of additional "exalts", "extols", "rejoice", and other such celebratory sorts of words. (by the way...i did a search, and found that the word praise is used 351 times in the Bible.

in my rush to be authentic and honest with God, i sometimes forget simple things like praise. i want to share my frustrations and my dreams. i want to vent from a rough day or maybe just sit in silence. i want to complain about the way the world is and mention what i think it could/should/will be. and i don't think there's anything wrong with any of that. just that it means sometimes i forget that the One i'm talking to is the One that put it all in motion to begin with. and when i'm lamenting, he's probably doing the same, because our hearts are broken by similar things. and when i'm stoked, he's probably excited with/for me. but in all of that, it wouldn't hurt either of us to get in on a little praise action. and so perhaps i should get in the practice of "a praise habit," as i think my friend crowder called it.

and it's been happening a little. little glimpses of "let me take this moment", "let me steal this drive", "let me just say"...that he's worthy. and good. and _____. words fail to describe.

and it lifts me as i lift him.

Aggressive Forgiveness

2007-05-01T13:36:00.002-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 4-5 (These chapters are really long!)

Well, Ben's off on his honeymoon and Joel is . . . well, let's not talk about that. Anyways, I'm all alone. However, what better way to deal with dLog isolation than to write!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I was going to write about the paragraph about how tough times test us and build us up, because I like that sort of thing, but I decided what really jumped out at me was Paul's commentary on the usefulness of The Law: "All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But the sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down."

At first I thought that this paragraph was saying that God kind of messed up because the Law didn't work out right. But when you look at it again, you can see that Paul's intention here was to point out, not that the plan didn't work, but to show that the law emphasized our true nature. I guess you can think of it that when you shine a Law light on someone, you're going to see that person in terms of how they do with the law. If you shine a grace light on someone, you're going to see them in terms of grace. And that's a flattering light right there. Better yet, it's a much stronger light than the Law light! So, in other words, thank God that grace is on our side :)

Wrestling

2007-04-25T16:35:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 4

Today I came across a passage (4:16) in The Message that seemed to be very interesting as I wrestle with the question of where good people go when they die. Here's what it says:
"This is why the fulfillment of God's promise depends entirely on trusting God and his way, and then simply embracing him and what he does. God's promise arrives as pure gift. That's the only way everyone can be sure to get in on it, those who keep the religious traditions and those who have never heard of them. For Abraham is father of us all. He is not our racial father—that's reading the story backward. He is our faith father." Interesting, makes it sound like justification through Christ isn't quite necessary. However, that just didn't seem right to me, especially when I realized I didn't quite know what "God's promise" exactly refers to. So, I checked out the NIV:
"Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. He is the father of us all."

When you read that one it's very clearly talking about grace v. works. I don't know if this is much mistranslation as much as just being unclear. So, still wrestling :)

Priorities

2007-04-24T10:21:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 2.

"Make Insight Your Priority"

One particular part of this passage stood out to me (verses 9-15):

"So now you can pick out what's true and fair,
find all the good trails!
Lady Wisdom will be your close friend,
and Brother Knowledge your pleasant companion.
Good Sense will scout ahead for danger,
Insight will keep an eye out for you.
They'll keep you from making wrong turns,
or following the bad directions
Of those who are lost themselves
and can't tell a trail from a tumbleweed,
These losers who make a game of evil
and throw parties to celebrate perversity,
Traveling paths that go nowhere,
wandering in a maze of detours and dead ends."

First of all (the English major in me is dancing), what great imagery! But more to the point, who has not been in a situation where you knew there were half-truths or downright lies going on. Worse still, who hasn't been the one bringing to life such falsities. "making a game of evil" If only we would make Insight our priority, then Good Sense would scout ahead for danger and keep us from making wrong turns. Our individual growth depends upon good company. The old adage has come up a couple of times for me in the last few days: Garbage in, garbage out. What we surround ourselves with is what we end up living. That is key!

If we surround ourselves with God's Word (i.e. the path to right living), we are bound to stay on that path.

God's Actions, Not Ours

2007-04-23T11:23:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 1-3

When people list themes of the book of Romans, they almost always note something about how it's God acting on our behalf, paying our debt. You see a lot of that in chapter 3: "God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does." Or: "But by shifting our focus from what we do to what God does . . . "

The interesting thing about all this is that it really renders moot any of our attempts to judge anyone else. God's emphasis is on his movement, not ours. And furthermore, when we try to set ourselves up as better than others, we need to remember it's God's actions, not ours, that got us to where we are. Better yet, there's the truth that "we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (buth us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us. God did it for us."

I am an extremely critical, judgemental person. Sometimes that's good, like for my website, but judging other folks really isn't my domain at all and I love to hear the correction in these verses that let me know that, again, God's in charge and I need to be about recognizing his actions in my life and others' lives.

Turn to Wisdom

2007-04-23T11:08:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Proverbs 1.

As I come out of the Psalms to begin the book of Proverbs, I realize that I have an excitement every time I start a new book. I get a little antsy to get into the book. I find myself wanting to read big chunks at a time (I resisted today). Part of that is my desire for completion, but part of it comes in seeing how the whole picture fits together. As I read, I fit the pieces of the Biblical puzzle together. I know that the puzzle will never be complete (and for someone who likes crossing tasks off, that could be overwhelming). But I get excited at the prospect of learning more about life, the universe, and everything.

I think that it is good that I am starting Proverbs at this time. Not that I need the reminders to be faithful to my (soon-to-be) wife. Rather, as I enter into a marital union, I should be seeking wisdom. I should be striving especially hard to avoid folly and to pursue wisdom. The pictures of Lady Wisdom and Madame Whore represented in Proverbs are great analogies for the diverging pursuits in our culture. Eugene Peterson puts it this way:

"Many people think that what's written in the Bible has mostly to do with getting people to heaven - getting right with God, saving their eternal souls. It does have to do with that, of course, but not mostly. It is equally concerned with living on this earth - living well, living in robust sanity. In our Scriptures, heaven is not the primary concern, to which earth is a tag-along afterthought. 'On earth as it is in heaven' is Jesus' prayer. 'Wisdom' is the biblical term for this on-earth-as-it-is-in-heaven everyday living. Wisdom is the art of living skillfully in whatever actual conditions we find ourselves. It has virtually nothing to do with information as such, with knowledge as such. A college degree is no certification of wisdom - nor is it primarily concerned with keeping us out of moral mud puddles, although it does have a profound moral effect upon us.

Wisdom has to do with becomign skillful in honoring our parents and raising our children, handling our money and conducting our sexual lives, going to work and exercising leadership, using words well and treating friends kindly, eating and drinking healthily, cultivating emotions within ourselves and attitudes toward others that make for peace. Threaded though all these items is the insistence that the way we think of and respond to God is the most practical thing we do. In matters of everyday practicality, nothing, absolutely nothing, takes precendence over God."

Kind, Not Soft

2007-04-18T16:32:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I read: Romans 1-3

So, going back to the question, "Do good people go to heaven?" I find this in today's reading: "The day is coming when [the fire is] going to blaze hot and high, God's fiery and righteous judgement. Make no mistake: In the end you get what's coming to you--Real Life for those who work on God's side, but to those who insist on getting their own way and take the path of least resistance, Fire!"

Well, this is interesting, and while not a contradiction of Jesus' claim, it certainly opens the door to more people than just those who acknowledge Jesus. I can think of a lot of people who work on God's side: those who heal the sick, visit the imprisoned, bury the dead, feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, and shelter the homeless. But they don't all do it for the same reasons, some are even doing good things for the wrong reasons. But then again, it's not our works that grant us grace, either. Oy, this is confusing.

But then again, Christ tells us that when we do these things "to the least of these," we're doing it for him. And that is a tacit acknowledgement of Christ, right? I don't know. I'm honestly wrestling here and trying to stay above the heresy line. Whereve that is :) I just don't know if it's as quite cut and dry as it might first seem.

Or I just love MTD. :)

Hallelujah!

2007-04-17T10:42:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Psalm 146-150 (finishing out Psalms).

All I can say is praise God. Hallelujah!

Account Balances

2007-04-17T10:07:00.000-04:00

By Matt

Small Group last week had the guise of being about Kanye West's three videos for the song "Jesus Walks," but it was really my excuse to bring up and talk about that ever-lovin' MTD: Moralistic Therapeutic Deism. MTD is the religion of choice for the new generation, a by-product of over-tolerance, over-emphasis on diversity, and communists. (Kidding.) The fifth unofficial tenet of MTD is "Good people go to heaven." While everyone saw the folly in the first four, that one was a sticking point. On one hand there's Jesus saying, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." But on the other hand there's the image of a loving father who wants his children with him. Our initial instinct is to say these two images don't jive and at some point every Christian in his or her walk is going to wrestle with this issue. (Hopefully.)

So, this morning as I was contemplating what I should read Romans popped into my mind. So, I started looking at some resources to determine what the main theme of the book is. I realize that since the epistles cover so many topics, I tend to read them piecemeal. So, my goal for now is to read them as a cohesive letter with different topics all lending support to the main argument. Anyways, the main theme of Romans is paid in full or how we are justified with God. I instantly thought back to small group. Coincedence? Let's find out.

I read: Chapters 1-3

Right in the first chapter Paul says something interesting. He talks about folks who don't know God but know that he's at work. "But the basic reality of God is plain enough," he says, "Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes can't see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being."

In here are the verses that Malone's outdoors program use as their mission statement. God's creation, the earth and everything in it, is a tremendous witness to his power and creativity and wisdom. I simply can't understand scientists who know the secrets of life on earth and how the universe works and can't see God's hand in it. As the book says, it takes too much faith to be an atheist.

But it's good to know that God didn't just create mountains and lakes and ponds and oceans and streams and rivers and grassy fields and night skies and terrible storms just for aesthetics. They're there as sign-posts pointing upwards, his signature across the bottom of the canvas. I think we can all be grateful to God for putting in front of our noses clear evidence that he exists.

Sidenote: a picture of two Corcoran jump boots now graces my wall. I think that'll be a good enough reminder :)

Peace

2007-04-16T12:28:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Psalm 138-145.

My mind wandered a lot today while I read. I was having mild bouts with doubt about my actions as a youth leader. I say mild because as I read I was reassured that I am doing God's work. Not so much by the words, but merely by the comfort of reading Scripture.

I probably couldn't tell you much about what I read (even though I read it out loud, pronouncing every word). But I can tell you that I am at peace right now. "A peace that passes all understanding..." I think I get that phrase a little more.

I could be worried about whether my youth will ever be connected to God and whether I'm doing the best I could or if someone else could do my work better, but as each of those things come to mind, I get a whoosh of reassuring that feels like "You are doing everything that you should be doing." How cool is that?

Shoe Polish

2007-04-16T10:54:00.000-04:00

By Matt

So, I've completely fallen out of service with my writing, my reading, and my prayer time. Yesterday especially I could feel it as at church I just felt "there," not participating, not really even worshipping, just pretty much taking up pew space. Not that I have a very particular routine, but last week was very out of routine with extra days off and I felt very spiritually out of sorts since I wasn't doing any of the things that I usually do. At a certain point apathy set in and I just wasn't getting any of it done. But then it didn't feel like there was anything I could really do.

In mid-February I began getting interested in WWII reenacting and have since started accumulating the gear for my own personal impression. The very first thing I acquired were my Corcoran Jump Boots, a goofy looking pair of boots manufactured by the same company that made them for our paratroopers in WWII. It wasn't long before I took them out in the field and got them pretty dirty and then accidentally forgot them in the trunk of my car, mud and all, during a fairly warm week. A few days later I realized my forgetfulness and fished them out and cleaned them off. The combination of mud and heat did a number on them and the leather had dried out and the scuffs on the toecap were fairly evident. So, I did what any good soldier would do, washed them up, dried them off, and began to polish them. Except that I didn't have a very good idea of what I was doing and polishing was an ungainly and tiring enterprise. Achieving that mirror-like gloss of the vaunted G.I. spit shine wasn't as easy as I thought. And boy was it time-consuming. However, I got through a few TheForce.net podcasts and enjoyed those.

Since then I've spent some time lamenting the dried-out leather on my left boot and trying to do something about it. One day last week, Friday I think, I decided to try my hand again at getting my boots back into shape. I had plannded on listening to a Harry Potter audiobook or maybe watching some TV but something moved me to go out on the porch, enjoy the nice day, and polish my boots without distraction. Despite the distractions, I found myself enjoying the process, despite the fact that I still don't know what I'm doing and it can be a tad frustrating at times. I'm not going to go down the road of saying it was a spiritual time for me, but there is a point to all this that is spiritually related.

Anyways, a website I found recommended just getting a good brush shine going with four or five layers of polish before you even try to spit shine. That makes sense. So, in my own bumbling way I got a good layer of polish on (with the recommended hairdryering to melt the wax into the boots) and acheived a shiny enough luster to warrant a friend to take pictures of my boots when I showed up to play Call of Duty in them. THAT was a satisfying feeling. And that was only the first of four layers! And I haven't even started spit shining yet!

This morning the alarm buzzed at 7 and I realized that I hadn't even cracked open my Bible for my usual A.M. Psalms reading in a long, long time (partly because of the Lenten devotional). I sayed a quick prayer that became quite curious. Instead of the usual "help me . . . " blather I do, I simply prayed, "God, equip me for today." In that offhand statement I found something fairly empowering. Instead of enlisting God's aid in my half-hearted attempts to help myself, I was saying something much more powerful. Sometimes you need hand-holding, sometimes you need to know to rely on the gifts God's given you. God has equipped me, so why am I praying for handholding? What I really need is to know what to take with me during the day, what skills/gifts/passions I am going to need to use. There's an analogy here for paratroopers packing their musette bags and stuffing their pockets with the right ammunition, provisions, and extra socks, but I won't go there ;)

Somewhere in that prayer time and reading of Psalm 148 I hit upon the shoe polish analogy. Polishing isn't a one time thing that's done and that's it. It's a process, one that requires layer after layer and then constant maintenance to retain that coveted shine. For several weeks now I have been neglecting my spiritual disciplines, my reading, my praying, and my writing. By not polishing I was opening myself up to spiritual dryness, to kicking into things that were going to leave scuffs and scratches. All of a sudden I felt an urgent need to repolish, to rebuild those lost layers that were protecting my soul.

Sure, it's a corny analogy, but for me it drives home the point that reading, prayer, and writing aren't just something I do to tick off a to-do list for the day. They are vital and essential to my soul, to my being, to my identity as a child of God. They are protection and revitalization and, umm, shiny. I need to keep up my layering and not let the leather get destroyed by my neglect. So, maybe after all polishing my boots is a strangely spiritual practice :)

Anger, Accountability, and Authenticity

2007-04-05T10:57:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I read Psalm 135-137.

Every so often, as I read through the Psalms, I find myself astonished at the range of emotions that the Psalmists go through. "These, our spiritual mentors, had that strong of anger?!" I suppose that this is true for all people, even the closest of God followers. Even Jesus got angry (see Matthew 21:12, Mark 11:15, and John 2:15). Our society (and largely due to the church) has developed the image of a Christian as being quiet, meek, and even timid. We have painted Jesus this way in our minds, so why shouldn't we follow this image in our own lives.

I know that I have felt guilty for my anger. Although, I wonder if sometimes this anger is justified (wc?). Part of me is angry that even though some people hear the gospel and attend church regularly, they don't live Christian lives. Divorce is just as prevelent in churches as it is in the secular world. The same is true of pornography. That's just incredible! We have gotten so comfortable with our "what's works for you might not work for me" mentality, that we are not comfortable with holding people accountable. We don't want to offend by sharing our faith because we wouldn't want someone forcing their faith on us.

If that is our best excuse for a lack of evangelism (not to mention a life lived following Christ), then we are kidding ourselves. It is no wonder that many churches are going back to the ancient practices (the disciplines) and Taize worship is becoming more popular; people want an authentic faith. They want to really connect to God - not just have a superficial connection or a "Just-in-case" religion.

I pray that my work through the church reaches people who haven't connected to God in an authentic way. I pray that I can help show them who God really is. I pray for an authentic Christian life.

A prayer

2007-04-05T10:40:00.000-04:00

by Ben

I tried to get on yesterday, but my internet at work wasn't working. So, here is yesterday's post, previously written in a notebook:

4/4/07
I read Psalm120-134.

Father God,
I write to you in this time of fear. I look around me, but don't know where to turn. I want to minister to your children, but don't know where to turn for help when this ministry is falling. Give me vision, Father, God of the Ages. God above all, grant me your peace. Deliver me from this worry. Bring me answers to my problems - show me who should lead your children, so that I may call to them for your glory. My Lord, my God, you have delivered me from strife and trial - I trust in the everlasting promises that you have given to your people, your beloved. In walking on your path, light my way, so that I may know where to step in following you. My king, you are worth of more than a thousand perfectly lived lifetimes - I pray that my gifts fulfill your heart's desire, that my service brings a smile to your gentle and trustworthy lips. Your grace surrounds my life - allow me to share that grace with your people, with the lost. You have proven yourself before me, O Lord. Time and heresy have tried you, and you have come through looking as clean as an infant babe. Wash us all in your perfect love, Father, so that we may know you and show your love to others.

In Christ,
Amen.

The Joy of God

2007-04-03T10:18:00.000-04:00

By Matt

I think this is oddly connected to my last post in a few ways. In today's reading Nouwen talks about the fact that God is love and so very much wants to receive our love and wants us to receive his love. Because we have a choice of whether or not we love God, our choices either sadden or make God happy. But here's the disconnect for me, not only that we can make God happy, but that I can make God happy. It's God we're talking about here, you kind of get this image of him as a rock, not being necessarily very emotional. However, he is a God of anger and jealousy and love, we know that, so shouldn't it be obvious that he can be a happy God as well? But then I consider the fact that I can make him happy. Something I can do can sway the God who created all and knows all and sees all to joy. That's kind of a big, scary thought to me. But I am known, very well known, so it stands to reason whether or not I think about that at all.